Because You Really Wanted to Know

I’m so tired right now, I can barely keep my eyes open.  I was going call in sick to work today, so I could sleep in, and take care of some of the nagging household stuff that needs to be done before going to my session with my personal trainer tonight.  I didn’t, largely because by the time I woke up enough to do it, it was kind of late, and it would’ve seemed like I was calling in “sick” because I was going to  be late for work.  So I went to work after all, and I was really only about ten minutes later than usual and that’s because I forgot my badge and had to get a  visitor badge from the security desk.

Wednesday, after work, I went to the gym to walk/run on the treadmill.  I made it about 30 minutes, but the pain in my shins was just getting worse and worse and I  couldn’t keep running.  I had planned to stop and do the cool down at 30  minutes, but then I got distracted by something on TV (Anderson Cooper) and I  ended up walking about fifteen more minutes, which is probably not an entirely bad thing, except that my shins still hurt today and it’s been five days.  I’m concerned that I’m doing more harm than good on that front and I’m trying to figure out the  solution.

It was during one of my walking spurts that I saw (and heard) out of the corner of  my eye, the person on the treadmill to my left, slap the stop button and start to  disembark from her treadmill.  I have a pet peeve about people just hitting the stop button and walking away.  It takes the treadmill two minutes to return to stand-by  mode and since there’s often a line of people waiting to use them it takes less  than two minutes for the next person to come along.  I can’t tell you how many  times I’ve watched people stand there and fight with the treadmill because they  can’t figure out how to make it start, simply because it’s still showing the last  persons work-out summary (and if I can breath enough to tell them, I do, but I  usually can’t.)  When my treadmill neighbor hit the button, I glanced that direction, looking at the display of her treadmill and not at her.  Suddenly, I heard “Hi Kevin!”  I looked up and, sure enough, it was Lil’B’s mother!  I had been on the treadmill right next to her for 30 minutes and hadn’t even noticed, I was that much in my own little world.

I haven’t been back to the gym since Wednesday and I’m frustrated.  I have my session with the trainer tonight and I will go, and I’ll talk to him about the shin splints and see what he tells me.

On Friday, I went, for the first time, to the Coming Out support group.  I got there ten minutes or so late, not because I was trying to be late but because my brother  popped up on my MSN Messenger and I got caught up with him.  I walked into the room and there were three people there, including the facilitator.  As it turned out  the third person was observing for some reason that wasn’t explained and so there was only one “participant” until I arrived.  As I suspected, I was the oldest person  there, besides the facilitator, but it wasn’t so bad.  I will go back.  The thing with stuff like this, is that it’s the going the first time that’s so difficult.  Now that I’ve  been it’ll be no big deal. I’m sorry.  I know after all the build up and anxiety that I expressed, this is rather anti-climactic, but it is what it is.

Saturday, was laundry day and I went to Michelle’s house for the day.  I was expressly forbidden (by Michelle) from buying a car which would delay the laundry washing process…  So we went shopping instead.  I bought mostly household necessities: toiletries, vitamins, Diet Pepsi, but I also bought an artificial Christmas tree and a few new decorations.   I already owned a tree that was only  four feet tall.  I bought it when I lived in a studio apartment in San Francisco, and the only place I had to put up a tree was my bay window.  The four footer was  perfect.  Now I have no place to put a four foot tree and I’ve been wanting to get a  full sized one.  I had a lot of laundry and didn’t get home until after 1:00 Sunday morning.

We watched a lot of TV shows and movies, including Sex and the City (the movie, not the TV show).  We had discussed the movie over lunch and it became apparent that I didn’t remember it particularly well.  Interestingly, Michelle  remembers the movie really well, but doesn’t remember anything else of  significance of the night we saw it in the theater.  I, on the other hand, was very preoccupied while we were watching it that first time because I had made up my mind that this was the day I was going to tell Michelle I am gay.  A year and a half later, I suppose in a way, I should be glad that it’s not any more significant to her  than this and it doesn’t stand out for her.

Sunday, I got up around 9:00 and had to do a bit of house cleaning.  Lil’B and I were just going to hang out at my house and I wanted to make the place a bit more presentable.  I emptied the contents of two full hampers of clean and folded  laundry onto my bed to put away later.  I also wanted to assemble my Christmas tree, though, I never did have time to decorate it.  At this moment there is a 6’6”  artificial Christmas tree, with nothing on it but a star shaped tree topper, standing  in my living room.

I picked Lil’B up at our usual time of 2:00 and we went to pick up a pizza (Take ‘n  Bake).  We took it back to my house and I started the oven up while presenting  our options to the boy.  Play a board game, watch a movie or both.  He chose  movie followed by board game (as I assumed he would.)  I told him to pick something from my library of more than 400 DVDs.  I have holiday movies, kids’  movies, action/adventure movies, super hero movies.  Out of 400 DVDs this kid  picked Superman.  Not Superman Returns…  Superman. Love this kid!  After the movie we played two games of Junior Monopoly before I took him home.  After I dropped him off I went back to Target to pick up a few things I forgot on Saturday.  Back home I heated up some of the pizza and ate dinner while fishing on  Facebook (Gotta log in everyday or I don’t go on the night fishing trip) and then I  set up the iron and ironing board.  It was already 10:00 so I only ironed one shirt  and one pair of pants so I’d have something to wear today.  And then it was time to go to bed…

Bathroom and nightly grooming rituals before bed and into the room I went.  Oh look, mountain of laundry to put away.  Once again, I didn’t get to bed until nearly  1:00.

I’m so tired right now, I can barely keep my eyes open.

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2 thoughts on “Because You Really Wanted to Know

  1. I hate being that tired. One day last week I think I had a grand total of 2 hours of sleep. I was so tired I wanted to just break down and cry.

  2. I am so happy you went to the meeting. And you know what? For some really strange reason I am super super proud of you.
    me.. some random internet stranger is totally 100% proud of another random internet stranger.
    It is a strange feeling.
    I am also incredibly happy that you and LIL are getting along so great. I have wondered about the other brother and his “big brother” though. I hope that he is getting the same respect you are showing lil.

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