Me and My Bright Ideas!

I wrote two days ago that I was going to go to a coming out support group meeting tonight.  It seemed like a good idea.  After all, it’s pretty isolating being alone in this process as I feel like I am.  A support group will be filled with other people, like me, who are struggling with coming to terms with their identities in the face of a life time of obstacles.  It’s not like anyone there is going to judge  me for being who I am and wanting what I want.  Hopefully, over time I’ll make some new friends at this group and start to live my  life again (or for the first time).  This is a good thing for me to do.

I had forgotten all about it.

I’ve gotten through most of today without it crossing my mind that this was going to happen.  Only now I remember.  And I’m anxious.  I know I don’t really need to be.  I don’t really have anything to fear.  But this is a huge step for me; one of many for me  these days.  Like with so many things, I know that once I’m there, and have settled in it’ll be fine, but it’s the getting there that’s  tough.  I really, really wish I wasn’t this person.  But I am.  I’m just pushing the anxiety aside as best I can and barging straight ahead.

I completed my research and have made a selection for a gym.  I have an appointment at 10:00 tomorrow morning to go the 24-Hour  Fitness closest to my house and sign up.  Unfortunately, while making this a priority, I still do not have enough money to pay for the  personal trainer until next payday.  That frustrates me, but there’s nothing to be done.

I know how important this is for me to do, and I assume I’ll get over it, but right now, I’m feeling pretty anxious about this as well.  Oh well.  That’s just the way it is.

Wish me luck!  I need it!