I wrote two days ago that I was going to go to a coming out support group meeting tonight. It seemed like a good idea. After all, it’s pretty isolating being alone in this process as I feel like I am. A support group will be filled with other people, like me, who are struggling with coming to terms with their identities in the face of a life time of obstacles. It’s not like anyone there is going to judge me for being who I am and wanting what I want. Hopefully, over time I’ll make some new friends at this group and start to live my life again (or for the first time). This is a good thing for me to do.
I had forgotten all about it.
I’ve gotten through most of today without it crossing my mind that this was going to happen. Only now I remember. And I’m anxious. I know I don’t really need to be. I don’t really have anything to fear. But this is a huge step for me; one of many for me these days. Like with so many things, I know that once I’m there, and have settled in it’ll be fine, but it’s the getting there that’s tough. I really, really wish I wasn’t this person. But I am. I’m just pushing the anxiety aside as best I can and barging straight ahead.
I completed my research and have made a selection for a gym. I have an appointment at 10:00 tomorrow morning to go the 24-Hour Fitness closest to my house and sign up. Unfortunately, while making this a priority, I still do not have enough money to pay for the personal trainer until next payday. That frustrates me, but there’s nothing to be done.
I know how important this is for me to do, and I assume I’ll get over it, but right now, I’m feeling pretty anxious about this as well. Oh well. That’s just the way it is.
Wish me luck! I need it!