On a recent trip to Costco, while standing at the check-stand, I saw a small sign stating that they sell stamps and recalled that I needed a book of stamps.
Now if you’re anything like me you’re wondering what I needed with A book of stamps. I mean doesn’t everyone pay their bills on-line and use e-mail instead of snail mail to communicate with friends? Well the answer is simple. I mail my rent check to my Landlady. I need exactly one stamp exactly once a month so a book of stamps lasts me a long time.
“Oh you know what, I need some stamps,” I said to the pimply faced young man running the cash register. The cashier added the stamps to my tab and sent me on my way. It wasn’t until I got home that I went to take the stamps out of the cellophane package he had handed me to put them in my wallet. There I stood, in my bedroom, in front of my dresser, on top of which resides all items that go into my pockets when I leave the house. I tore the cellophane wrapper open and pulled on that sheet of stamps and that’s when it hit me. This sheet of stamps feels rather thick. I pulled the sheet out of the packaging and slid my fingers in opposite directions like you do when you’re separating two sheets of paper and sure enough, I didn’t get some stamps! I didn’t get one sheet of stamps! I got five! Five Sheets of stamps. A veritable shit load of stamps! I didn’t get just 20 stamps, oh no, I got 100 stamps!
“Shit!” I said to myself. “I didn’t want all these stamps! What was I thinking buying stamps at Costco! I can’t believe I didn’t realize I was buying so damn many stamps!” And then I started to think. At least they’re forever stamps, and with 100 stamps I’ll have stamps till I die! I’ll have to leave them to someone as part in my will:
Hell, they’ll probably have to leave some of them to their own kids!
My anguish and dismay were quickly abated a week later when I learned that the Postal Service would again be raising the price of stamps from $.42 to $.44. Suckers! I’ve got 98 stamps I only paid $.42 a piece for. Keep raising the price! I don’t care! I have my lifetime supply forever stamps!