I bought a new laptop computer yesterday!  I’m really psyched about it.  The laptop I’ve been using for the last two plus years was a real piece of crap and was super slow!  So as I drove home last night with my new computer I was really excited to set it up!  And then I saw this!

And this!

“Uh oh!” I said to no one in particular.  “I wonder what this means?” I came inside with my computer and just that quickly forgot all about the equipment outside.

Growing up, I frequently heard my mother say, “Boys and their toys” with disdain dripping off of every word.  While she would never admit to the truth of it, my mother has always hated men.  Sadly she even hates the ones she gave birth to, though she’d tell you that isn’t true.  Anytime I got something new and I’d make a comment about wanting to be careful to keep it nice, she’d just shake her head and say, “Boys and their toys.”  But if you remove the motherly disdain and the pain that causes, she’s not entirely wrong.  As a broad generalization, men do like their gadgets and gizmos and I’m no exception so when I broke out the new laptop and started setting it up, I was absorbed.  I was still playing with it till 2:45 this morning before I finally put the computer down and went to bed.  Knowing I had stayed up too late, and that I needed a good night’s sleep, I set the alarm for 10:30 AM.

You know the sound and sheer volume of it that comes from digging around in a bag full of aluminum cans?  Yeah, I didn’t either until I moved into my current home and the little old Asian lady started coming around every few days digging through my recycling for all my aluminum cans (and I generate a lot of them – totally addicted to Diet Pepsi) AT 6:30 IN THE MORNING!!!  But trust me when I tell you, its loud folks!  I awoke, at 8:02 this morning to what sounded like THAT SOUND to me!  When I got up and looked out the window, this is what I saw!

People, its Saturday! I was sure that the construction equipment would not come into play until at least Monday, but alas, I was wrong. (Did I just say “alas”?) Clearly, I’ll be going to bed early tonight… maybe.

Thanks, neighbors, for scheduling your roofing work to begin at o’dark thirty on a Saturday morning and thanks even more for the advanced warning!

By the way, the guys worked for exactly one hour and then went on break.

It’s Friday again and as usual it’s time to weigh-in.

We’re nearing the end of the Salad Fad of the Month and I’m a little disappointed to report that it didn’t really work.  At this point I’m not surprised by that.  I had hoped for a better outcome, but by mid-month it was pretty clear that wasn’t to be.  I won’t offer any excuses for why it hasn’t worked other than the simple reality that eating a salad for lunch everyday isn’t sufficient if your other choices throughout the day aren’t also intended to support the endeavor.

Honestly, I did feel somewhat better on the days (most days) that I ate salads for lunch and it’s certainly a good idea to continue to include them as a regular part of a lifestyle of healthy nutrition, but as a whole strategy for losing weight, clearly it’s not enough.

This last week, I’ve been sick with a cold and a lingering cough that doesn’t want to pass.  I’ve felt pretty bad and haven’t really had the motivation and the energy to do much of anything productive.  This week, I haven’t had salad at all and have had some other things that certainly don’t contribute to weight loss.  With that in mind, it’s almost shocking actually that I weighed in this week at 300 pounds, again.  Once again, the good news is that I have not gained weight this week which given my general laziness and poor dietary choices could easily have happened.

At any rate, I’ll continue with the Salads for Lunch Fad for the rest of the month and begin my next Physical Activity Fad of the Month on the first. I’m still mulling over my choices but will make the decision prior to the first (obviously) and be sure to make the announcement so my legion of readers can follow along and see how I progress!

There are a number of potential fad diets to be examined in the coming months but I’ve decided that since it’s finally daylight savings time and spring perhaps the fad of April should be something more physical than nutritional.  I will still try to eat sensible meals but the focus will be on activity and not on food.

Folks, this is going to suck.  I’m not an active, physical person and I’m not an outdoorsy kinda guy.  I hate to sweat.  I don’t like dirt and bugs suck a lot.  On the other hand I live in a really beautiful area and I often think I don’t take full enough advantage of it.  I wonder if I could learn to like the outdoors more.  There are three potential options for April:

I own a bike that has been ridden exactly one time.  I like it.  It’s orange!  I nearly killed myself when I rode it and “haven’t gotten around” to trying it again.  I remember loving bike riding when I was young, and then I got my driver’s license and I seem to have forgotten the joys of bicycling, let alone how to ride one…  Well, OK.  I’ll be fair.  I had a BMX bike when I was young.  There was nothing to know.  Get on, peddle, don’t fall down.  That’s about it.  The orange bike that I like but has only been ridden one time is a 21 speed bike.  I do not know how to ride a 21 speed bike.  The one time I tried, the tires were under inflated, the seat was not high enough and I do not know what gear I was in but I was getting far too much speed per rotation.  First I nearly ran head-on into a curb and then I rounded a corner and out in front of an on-coming car because I couldn’t control the thing.  I imagine if I could figure out the gears and get the bike properly adjusted I could really enjoy riding it.  And besides, dedicated cyclists have sexy legs and look  good in the shorts.  I’d like to look good in the shorts.

I have feet and own a pair of running shoes.  I do not run.  I do not run unless I’m being chased by a very hungry and angry bear… and I’m running down hill… and I have a jet pack… and roller blades, which, you know, not really so much running then.  Every time I have run, I have gotten side stitches and shin splints.  I do not run.  My office building is directly across the street from Lake Merritt which has a 3.5 mile path around it.  I can’t help but see people out there everyday walking, running and bike riding and most of the time they seem to be having fun.  K took up running a couple years ago and when she started she felt about the same way I do.  Since then she’s run a number of races and has really grown to enjoy it.  Thanks to K, I know of a good training program for new runners.   Don’t tell her ‘cause I’ll never hear the end of it (the fact that she reads this blog is inconsequential) but I may have to give her program a shot myself.

The third option for April would actually last more than one month.  Thanks to K, I’m also aware of a program that promises to have you doing more than 100 Push-ups in 6 weeks ingeniously named “One Hundred Push-ups”.  In theory, I could do this one in my house.  I say in theory because I have a four-legged feline friend who seems to think that if I’m on the floor there can be only reason and it’s everything to do with giving him love and attention.  I have never done a proper push-up in my life and am fairly certain I would have to do some sort of modified push-up, as in the girls’ way.  I suppose it’s possible that I could do the program the girl’s way and get through it and then start over doing proper push-ups.  Surely by then I’d be able to do them the “right” way.

I’m also toying with the idea of taking up yoga but I’ve never done yoga a day in my life and I’m having a hard time discerning how to find an appropriate never-done-yoga-a-day-in-my-life beginning yoga class.  Something for consideration down the road but not likely to come together for April.

So there you have it.  April’s fad will be physical.  I’ll run, or bike or push up (hopefully not throw up).  Any suggestions about where to start?  Anything you want to know more about?

There is an epidemic that is sweeping the nation, possibly the world.  It’s an affliction that is spreading like wildfire throughout the populous affecting us at every age, from the very young to the moderately middle aged.

It came on quietly.  At first no one really knew about it, and then slowly but surely it became more and more prevalent.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your humble blogger has been affected by this affliction.  I thought I was safe.  I thought I’d be immune, but alas, it has proven not to be so.  Yes, there’s been a twinge in the back here, a stab in the knees there, while visiting with others who’ve been afflicted, but till now I have not fallen fully prey.  This is no longer the case.

Yes folks, it is true.  I am officially one of the masses who have become afflicted with the dreaded Wii Arm!  But it doesn’t stop there.  Oh no.  I am also suffering from Wii Shoulder and Wii Wrist.  And Wii neck.  And Wii back.  And Wii thighs.  In fact most of my Wii body has been affected by the Wii affliction.

But on a happier note, since setting up my new Wii this weekend, I beat those smug Mii sons-of-bitches Matt and Miyu a couple times at Wii Tennis, and my Wii Bowling game is getting pretty good, though I was pretty worn out at the end and my score began to trail off.  I’m a pretty terrible Wii Boxer and I hit mostly foul balls at Wii Baseball… When I hit the ball, at all… As for Wii Golf, well, I’d say, considering my only previous experience with Golf was at my local Putt Putt, I’m doing quite well.  I’m surprised and impressed by how much playing Wii Sports gets your system going and works up a sweat, so I’d say it was a good investment.  Now if I can just get the cat to recognize that if he doesn’t stay out of the way while I’m Wii Bowling, he just might be taking a Wii trip down the Wii lanes along with my virtual Wii Bowling Ball.

It’s Friday and that means it’s time for another weigh-in.  I’m disappointed to announce that there has been no progress made in my efforts to reduce my weight.  I weighed in today at 300 pounds which is exactly what I weighted last Friday.  I’m OK with this, because there’s no sense in not being OK and the truth is there is some good in this bit of information.

First of all, earlier this week my weight was actually higher than it is today thanks in part to those evil girls in green and their cookies.  I allowed myself to be seduced and I’m paying the price for my weakness.  Actually, I’m paying the price again.  The little boxes of cookie goodness, have gone up in price (I think) and are now $4.00 each for what appear to be smaller boxes!  First, I paid out of pocket and now I’m paying on the scale.  However, I still have three sleeves of Thin Mints left and I bought four (two boxes) as well as two boxes of Tagalongs – TWO WEEKS AGO!  The fact that the cookies aren’t long gone is a true sign of improvement.

Secondly, (Why is it not second of all?) over the last year or so, my weight has been steadily climbing at an alarming rate.  The fact that my weight has pretty much been the same through this month (actually gone down roughly three pounds.  Woo hoo! Yay me!) is improvement on its own and shows one thing we can take away from this experiment.  It may not be an effective stand-alone weight loss tool, but “a salad a day keeps the pounds away”… the new one’s anyway.

There are 11 days left in the month.  The salad for lunch experiment is drawing to a close.  I’ve made no secret of the fact that I haven’t been perfect on this thing but the vast majority of the time I’ve done quite well at sticking to the plan.  With 11 days to go, I’ll reserve official judgment, but it seems clear that salad for lunch everyday, by it’s self, is not an effective weight loss strategy.  Bummer!  It was pretty easy.  Maybe that’s the problem?  There are a number of potential fad diets to be examined in the coming months but I’ve decided that since it’s finally daylight savings time and spring perhaps the fad of April should be something more physical than nutritional.  I’ll still try to eat sensible meals but the focus will be on activity and not on food.

Folks, this is going to suck.  I’m not an active, physical person and I’m not an outdoorsy kinda guy.  I hate to sweat.  I don’t like dirt and bugs suck a lot.  On the other hand I live in a really beautiful area and I often think I don’t take full enough advantage of it.  I wonder if I could learn to like the outdoors more.  No, I have never been a physical person and I’ve got the body to prove it.  Meanwhile I have always been physically attracted to men who are physically fit and I have always fantasized that “one day” I will be one of them.  Well folks, “one day” doesn’t come if you don’t make an effort.  So I’ve decide, that’s what April is going to be about.  Being more physical, increasing my aerobic activity and trying to increase my stamina while dropping some of these pounds.

Check back next week for April’s fad of the month.  There are three or four possibilities I’m considering.  It should be interesting!