This is by no means the first time it has happened, but it never ceases to surprise me how when there’s a specific topic, one that deals with emotional aspects, that I want to write about, I manage to be too busy to write and yet, so much of the time, I have all the time in the world to screw around and play games and write blog posts while at work.

Today is no different.  I’ve been quite busy as I’m putting the finishing touches on a survey that a team of people I “lead” and I have been working on.  Before I knew it, it was 4:00 in the afternoon and I hadn’t even thought about, or started a blog post.  I knew this subject was going to take more than a few minutes to write about and clearly today was not the day.  Maybe tomorrow, but with another round of fire drills in the morning, I make no promises.

~~~

I do have a totally different story to tell you however.

Yesterday, while we were conducting the first half of our semi-annual fire drills and I made my worthless 18 block trek to the other end of the world, K, our Department Secretary, was out of the office presumably sick.  I don’t know or care.  I just know she wasn’t in the office, which means that while Bertha, the other front office worker was gone to lunch, it fell on me, yet again, to cover the phones and the front office.

At one point I had to go into K’s cubicle at the front of the suite to help a customer and while I was there, I noticed a poster and packet of flyers that were left for her to have posted.  The poster was advertising the “2010 Compliance and Ethics Week” for my company.

I have no doubt that, in the age of Enron and WorldCom and the Sarbanes Oxley act, most larger companies have a Compliance department whose purpose for existing is to ensure that the company and its employees are, well, complying with policies and regulations.  My company is no different.  In fact we’re so concerned about making sure that our employees are being compliant with any number of rules that we have fourteen different Compliance groups.  I was going to say that “fourteen” is a joke, but honestly, there are probably a lot more than that.    There are entire departments that have a sub-group dedicated strictly to compliance.  There are multiple legs of this organization and within each one there is a compliance department and then as if that weren’t sufficient enough, there is a specific department whose soul purpose is to promote and enforce compliance within the entire company.

I suppose to some extent I can understand the need for such a group.  The Sarbanes Oxley act (SOX) is somewhat confusing and some people may need help understanding what it says and how it applies to them.  Oh but wait, we have a SOX department dedicated to that task.

Certainly there is a need for a small group of people to investigate allegations of non-compliance but I can’t understand why there would be that many allegations or the need for too many people.  But a “Compliance and Ethics Week”?  Really?  I mean what purpose is this supposed to serve?  I guess it just struck me as somewhat amusing that we have a single week in which Compliance and Ethics matter and the other fifty-one weeks just don’t matter and we can do whatever the hell we want.

I find the whole thing disturbing and somewhat offensive as it’s something that’s come up more than few times recently for me.  I believe myself to be a mostly compliant and ethical person.  I know that may sound a little hypocritical coming from the guy who routinely writes his blog posts at work and makes no secret of it.  But the thing is, I do put work first.  A big part of the reason I do these things at work is because I don’t have enough to do most of the time.

Aside from that I’m a very ethical person.  I don’t cheat on my taxes.  I don’t steal.  If a cashier undercharges me for something or gives me too much change back, I tell them and have them correct it.  I don’t even jay walk unless it’s raining and then I make an exception because I’m getting wet and no one gets hurt, because even when it’s raining, I don’t cross if there are cars around.  I believe in doing the right thing, following the rules and complying with policies, no matter how stupid I may believe them to be.  So the idea that there is a department whose job it is to remind me to be a good, ethical person offends me, especially since I’m routinely told, though not in so many words, that I need to be more flexible and break more rules, BY MY BOSS.

I won’t go too far into the details but I’ve been experiencing a conflict lately with a woman in the building who has a chip on her shoulder toward me.  I’ve been asking her to provide me with approved volunteer agreements for the people on her floor who want to be part of the Building Emergency Response Team, for which I am the coordinator.  She has responded that she’s already provided the documents.  I’ve had this conversation with a number of people in the building.  I don’t doubt that they’ve already provided the documents but I just took the program over in the latter part of 2009 and I can’t account for what happened before that.  They may have submitted the documents but the fact remains I don’t have them and I need them in order for the individuals to participate in the program.  Most people simply acknowledge my statement and provide the forms, but this woman has flat out refused to provide them.  Finally she went to my manager, John, because I wasn’t updating my records with the names she had provided via e-mail but has not submitted the volunteer agreements.  I wasn’t privy to this conversation or even the fact that it was happening until after the fact and I have no idea if, or to what extent, my manager supported me, but I can guess: NOT MUCH.

The next day I received an e-mail from her.  I was actually cc’d on the e-mail that was addressed to my manager.  She said:

“Thanks for meeting with Chris and I [sic] today and glad we could all be solution focused.  We’re excited to continue with our efforts in the BERT Program.

“Here is our current list of 16 floor[sic] BERT MEMBERS.  I will commit to getting Kevin the volunteer agreements for our newest members Jeff and Jenny.  The others were submitted last year.”

After a heated discussion with my boss in which he told me I was wrong for an insignificant detail and disregarded all the rest of the issue, I sent her a reply:

“I apologize for any confusion surrounding this issue.  However, as the roster I gave you during the Floor Warden Meeting showed, I only have/had volunteer agreements for you, Chris, Alan and Andrea.  I now know that Alan and Andrea are no longer part of your team and I have removed them from the roster, however, I still do not have Volunteer Agreements for any of the rest of your team as you have them listed below.  I must have those in order to validate their management approval for them to participate in the program.

“While you are submitting the volunteer agreements for Jeff and Jenny, please submit the remaining five agreements as well.”

Simple, polite and straight forward, right?  I apologized, even though at this point I have nothing to apologize for and then explained why it’s necessary for me to be a pain in the ass about this issue.  Then I asked her to please comply with the requirements.

Here’s her response:

“There’s no confusion on our part regarding this issue.  Per the discussion Chris and I had with John yesterday, we’ve submitted forms for these folks two and three times since last October of 2009 and the roster remains outdated.  We’re not going to spend anymore time filling out forms for them to only be lost or misplaced.  Per Johns verbal agreement with Chris and I, you can use this e-mail as approval for those folks you don’t have a form for.

“I will submit the other two forms for the new members shortly.”

Naturally, John says he never made that agreement, but it wouldn’t matter if he had.  Neither John, nor this woman are the immediate supervisor of the employees in question, therefore, neither of them has the authority to authorize the employees participation and I will not include them in the program until I have the appropriate documents.

Honestly?  I can understand her frustration if she feels like she’s submitted the documents before and nothing has come of it, but there are other, better ways to handle this.  She could get the documents completed and approved and hand deliver them to me so that she knows I have them.  She could recognize that this is the first that I am asking for them and do as I ask with the hope that I will handle it better than my predecessor did.  But most importantly, she could get the chip off her shoulder and recognize that all I’m doing is trying to be conscientious at my job I detest and follow the policies and procedures that I have laid out before me.  Trying to be compliant.

It really doesn’t take much in this life to just live right, and do the right thing.  Obey rules and laws.  Respect authority.  Just be courteous for crying out loud.  If you believe a rule or a law is wrong, do your part to get it changed, but until it does, continue to follow it.  That’s what makes people successful.  That’s what makes companies thrive.  It’s what theoretically makes Government work and people, in general, satisfied with it.  Nothing and no one is ever perfect, but if we all made an effort to be more cooperative and compliant with the rules and policies in life, we’d all be better off.

By the way, the woman in my story?  She works for the Compliance and Ethics department.

I may try and get down to the heart of the matter (heh) tomorrow, but for today, I’m too tired and too short on time.

We had the first day of our semi-annual fire drills today and as you may recall from last October, this keeps me pretty busy all morning.  You may recall from last time that it has been unusual for us to get the same fire fighters here twice.  You might also recall that I had a little bit of a melt down last time when much to my surprise, not only did I recognize the fire fighters that were here, but one of them was of particular relevance and I’m not going to go into all that here and now, I’m just going to say that if you don’t know what I’m talking about and you care, click on that little drop down over there –> and click on October, 2009.  Then check out, I don’t know… say, the middle of the month.  The week where, apparently, I had a lot to say.  And then come back here.  Don’t worry, I’ll still be here when you get done.

~~~

You back?  OK.

Anyway, today we had the same familiar faces.  Yes “he” was here again.  It was fine though.  My boss actually assigned a different fire fighter to work with me this time so I barely saw Jesse anyway.  And even if Jesse had been with me, I’m over it.  I’m through being so childish and worked up over the whole thing.

Still there was a moment when I became self conscious.  Jesse came ambling down a hallway after one of the segments and approached where I was standing with a crowd of relocated employees and the Fire Fighter that was working with me.  Along the way he dropped his copy of the drill schedule.  He picked it up right away and jokingly, I said, “No littering!”  He responded that he picked it up right away and that he wasn’t littering.  He wasn’t mean about it, but he didn’t sound like he was playing along (at least not to me) and naturally, I read all kinds of not very friendly meaning into it.  Whatever.

But then, he walked on past me to the Fire Fighter I was working with and they stood there having a hushed conversation that I couldn’t hear any of.  I made a deliberate point of not paying attention and as a result I don’t know if there were any glances my way or any gesturing but, naturally, I started imagining what he might have had to say.  I let it go and went on about my business and when Jesse left us in search of my boss, the Fire Fighter I was working with didn’t behave any differently than he had before.  Whatever.

Later, after another segment of the drills, we were on the sidewalk outside and Jesse asked me a question about the building systems and the door to our loading dock.  He commented that last time they were here (last October for those who’ve already lost track) the loading dock door was open and now it’s not.  I commented that either he had a really good memory or they don’t do this observation thing very often.  He smiled and gestured in such a way as to say, “Hey, this is me we’re talking about.  I’m the best!” because I’ve come to see that he has that kind of personality.  I said, “Wait what was I thinking? Of course you have a great memory.”  (Let’s hope not.) And I smiled back.  This time he was being playful and that suggests that he was being playful earlier and I just didn’t see it.

Whatever.  It doesn’t matter.  I’m done worrying about such things.

The fire drills were not particularly eventful, just tiring.  Unfortunately, once they were over, I had another tiring walk ahead of me.

When I started shaving my head, I started using a product line called Head Blade, which I love.  The name, not the product.  Well the product too, but the name is great because it reminds me of one of my favorite random movie quotes:  When a Man Loves a Woman.  Andy Garcia, stopping at his daughter’s school to talk to her about him moving to Colorado, she holds something up to him and he asks her what it is as he delicately takes it from her and puts it down behind him, out of sight.  She tells him it’s a bug box and he says, “I like a name that tells you what it is.”

Head Blade is definitely a name that tells you what it is.  They’re just a bit risqué too.  The products all play with the word head.  Head Wash, a product for washing your head.  Head Scrub, an exfoliating product for, well, scrubbing your head.  Head Slick, a shaving lotion… ya know, for your head.  Two varieties of Head Lube, matte and glossy, a moisturizer for, you guessed it, your head.  There’s also Clear Head, Head Shade and Head Wipes and I’m just going to quit now while I’m, ahem, ahead.

You can buy all this stuff on their website, but then you have to pay shipping and handling and wait several days for your loot.  There are a very few stores that sell a very limited amount of their product line and that leads us back around to my long walk today.  One of the few places I know that sell any of the Head Blade product line is a Rite-Aid on Broadway, here in Downtown Oakland.  It’s nine blocks away and close to an alley of sorts with a whole mess of restaurants with pretty decent offerings.

I have been postponing a journey down that direction for a while and as a result, my dwindling bottle of Head Wash made that “hey lunk head you should’ve bought some more by now” farting noise this morning when I squeezed some of the slimy green goo into the palm of my hand.  I decided that I would take the long hike down to “civic center” to buy more Head Wash and get lunch.  I was craving nachos and there is a La Salsa at that end of the world so I figured what the heck.

I hoofed it all that way and actually accidentally bi-passed the Rite-Aid so I went to get my food first and then,  as I was heading back to the drug store, I heard some not very pretty music coming from across the street.  In my usual 20/20 hind-sight I realize, I should have taken a picture with my iPhone because what I saw, actually caused me to double take.  There was a street performer playing a piano.

Let that sink in for a minute.

This guy was playing A PIANO.  A full on, not-electric, standard, upright piano.  I can’t even begin to imagine how you make a piano a street performing instrument.  But sure enough, there he was, with an upright piano.  I’m not positive but it sounded to me like he was playing Rhapsody In Blue… badly!

Anyway, I walked into the Rite-Aid to the aisle where they sell the Head Blade stuff and—WHAT!?!?!  There it was.  A row of Head Blade Razors, a row of Head Slick and a row of Head Lube, Matte finish…  No Head Wash.

I walked all that way, already tired from multiple trips up and down multiple flights of stairs, dodging irate, cursing homeless people, and random piano playing street performers, just to come back with a plate of soggy nachos and no Head Wash.  And now I still have to buy it on-line and pay the shipping and handling and wait ten days for it to arrive.  Meanwhile, that bottle is only going to fart at me one or two more times before it just becomes ridiculous to even try.

But on the plus side, I got plenty of cardio in today and now I don’t have to go to the gym tonight.

And I get to do it all again on Thursday.  Well not the walking 18 blocks for no good reason part, but the fire drill stair climbing part.

So I have work to do before I go home which is why I couldn’t get into a long post today (whoops!) and why you’re getting this brief report of odds and ends instead.  Please wait till you’ve turned away from this page to roll your eyes, thanks.

Right now, I would pay good money to take a nap, except I can’t because I have to save my money to pay for shipping and handling.

* Just to keep everything on the up and up, none of the products
or companies or products mentioned here has paid or otherwise
compensated me for these comments.

There are four things you need to know about me.

1. I’m a perfectionist.
2. I’m a bit of a narcissist.
3. I’m not very good with numbers and math and counting and stuff.

I’m a perfectionist and as such, as soon as I noticed that a lot of the formatting was wonky on my old posts after migrating everything to WordPress I, of course, had to go back through and fix it all.  I’m done now.

I’m also a bit of a narcissist, and what kind of narcissist would I be if I didn’t subscribe to my own blog in Google Reader?  Of course I subscribe to my own blog and of course I read it when I get to it in my feed.

But because of my narcissism, I realized that every time I hit “update post” on a blog after fixing the formatting, WordPress was sending it out to the readers (and I assume the RSS Feeds) as if it were a new post…

So, for those of you who, like good little boys and girls, ran right out and updated your subscription URLs to my new location and now have a ton of “new” Riggledo posts in your reader that are actually months old… I do apologize.  Feel free to ignore them entirely and wait for the new stuff…

Of course it occurs to me that this apology/explanation will be at the end of the list, in which case it will already be too late…

Sorry…

Again.