I walked into the office hacking and coughing, as I have been doing for the last two weeks, sat down at my desk and started up my computer for the day’s work.  No sooner had I started running my applications then an instant message window popped up on my screen.

“Whadya pick?  Whadya pick?  It’s April! Whadya pick?  Huh? Huh?”  It was K and she wanted to know what I had decided on for the April Fad of the Month.  I am inherently a mean person and therefore told her she would have to wait and find out with the rest of  you.  That was three days ago.

Then I said, “I’ve decided to change the direction of my blog and make the focus all about how nothing really works and so I’ll claim to be trying all these different things but meanwhile I won’t really do anything and then I’ll claim that it didn’t work.”

“That’s no fun,” she said.

I was kidding of course.  I would never do that.  I’m entirely too honest and ethical to do that, even if I wanted to… mean, but honest and ethical.  I’m well rounded.  Anyway, since I know you’re all waiting with bated breath, I will now reveal the April/May Fad of the Month(s).

As I mentioned in a previous post I live in a really beautiful part of country.  The weather this time of year is really nice and I’m close to the water, and the hills and lots of beautiful scenery, so I decided that I should take advantage of these benefits and do something that involved physical and potentially outdoor activity.

I know that K in particular is positively salivating to know what I’ve decided on, and it is for that reason more than any other, that I am dragging this out.  But without much further ado, I will now reveal that I have decided that the April/May Fad of the months will be *cough, cough* running.

A few years ago, K discovered a program that was designed to teach someone who is not athletic how to run.  Many people make a decision to start running having never done it before and they start out too hard too fast and give up quickly because of the challenges they endure.  K, by her own description, when she started running was an “Unsvelt Girl Who Runs”.  She took on this challenge because, if for no other reason, people told her she couldn’t do it.  Today, K can run at a steady pace for a prolonged period of time and has run several races in the Bay Area.

K was never focused on, or working toward, weight loss.  She was simply determined to prove to people who said she couldn’t do it, that indeed she could.  But along the way, she has lost weight, and several sizes.  The other day, I happened across a picture of her that was taken at a work event four years ago and showed it to her.  There is a marked difference in her appearance today as compared to that picture.

In the beginning K felt the same way I do.  Running is not something that I do.  Part of the reason is simply that I do not know how to do it properly and every time I have ever tried, I have very quickly developed shin splints and side stitches and pretty quickly tired myself out.  As a result my determination has always been, “You will not find me running unless there is a bear chasing me and it’s on a steep decline…  And I’m wearing roller blades… potentially a jet pack… and then it’s not really running, now is it?  No, running was never in the cards and to be honest, I’m still not sure it is.  I’ll do it purely for the sake of this blog and the edification of you fine people.

How I feel about it at the end of the nine weeks will determine if I ever run again! There is a problem, however, that has prevented me from going full speed ahead on this.  I was sick for more than a week, and even now, I’m still struggling with the lingering, hacking cough.  Today is the first day in three weeks that I haven’t been coughing incessantly.  And yet, while playing my Wii Sports, I’m constantly stopping to cough.  My common sense tells me that running, which I believe will require more of my breathing abilities, and in the outdoors, is sure to aggravate the cough far more than the exertions of waving my arm around in the air striking a virtual tennis ball while my on-screen Mii does all the running back and forth!  So while it may have seemed as if I might have been slacking off or abandoning my endeavors and readers, I assure you this is not the case!  I am feeling much better today and hopefully within a few days I’ll be much improved and able to get outside and give this thing a shot.

In the mean time, bear with me.  Oh!  And K?  You can stop gloating now!

I bought a new laptop computer yesterday!  I’m really psyched about it.  The laptop I’ve been using for the last two plus years was a real piece of crap and was super slow!  So as I drove home last night with my new computer I was really excited to set it up!  And then I saw this!

And this!

“Uh oh!” I said to no one in particular.  “I wonder what this means?” I came inside with my computer and just that quickly forgot all about the equipment outside.

Growing up, I frequently heard my mother say, “Boys and their toys” with disdain dripping off of every word.  While she would never admit to the truth of it, my mother has always hated men.  Sadly she even hates the ones she gave birth to, though she’d tell you that isn’t true.  Anytime I got something new and I’d make a comment about wanting to be careful to keep it nice, she’d just shake her head and say, “Boys and their toys.”  But if you remove the motherly disdain and the pain that causes, she’s not entirely wrong.  As a broad generalization, men do like their gadgets and gizmos and I’m no exception so when I broke out the new laptop and started setting it up, I was absorbed.  I was still playing with it till 2:45 this morning before I finally put the computer down and went to bed.  Knowing I had stayed up too late, and that I needed a good night’s sleep, I set the alarm for 10:30 AM.

You know the sound and sheer volume of it that comes from digging around in a bag full of aluminum cans?  Yeah, I didn’t either until I moved into my current home and the little old Asian lady started coming around every few days digging through my recycling for all my aluminum cans (and I generate a lot of them – totally addicted to Diet Pepsi) AT 6:30 IN THE MORNING!!!  But trust me when I tell you, its loud folks!  I awoke, at 8:02 this morning to what sounded like THAT SOUND to me!  When I got up and looked out the window, this is what I saw!

People, its Saturday! I was sure that the construction equipment would not come into play until at least Monday, but alas, I was wrong. (Did I just say “alas”?) Clearly, I’ll be going to bed early tonight… maybe.

Thanks, neighbors, for scheduling your roofing work to begin at o’dark thirty on a Saturday morning and thanks even more for the advanced warning!

By the way, the guys worked for exactly one hour and then went on break.

It’s Friday again and as usual it’s time to weigh-in.

We’re nearing the end of the Salad Fad of the Month and I’m a little disappointed to report that it didn’t really work.  At this point I’m not surprised by that.  I had hoped for a better outcome, but by mid-month it was pretty clear that wasn’t to be.  I won’t offer any excuses for why it hasn’t worked other than the simple reality that eating a salad for lunch everyday isn’t sufficient if your other choices throughout the day aren’t also intended to support the endeavor.

Honestly, I did feel somewhat better on the days (most days) that I ate salads for lunch and it’s certainly a good idea to continue to include them as a regular part of a lifestyle of healthy nutrition, but as a whole strategy for losing weight, clearly it’s not enough.

This last week, I’ve been sick with a cold and a lingering cough that doesn’t want to pass.  I’ve felt pretty bad and haven’t really had the motivation and the energy to do much of anything productive.  This week, I haven’t had salad at all and have had some other things that certainly don’t contribute to weight loss.  With that in mind, it’s almost shocking actually that I weighed in this week at 300 pounds, again.  Once again, the good news is that I have not gained weight this week which given my general laziness and poor dietary choices could easily have happened.

At any rate, I’ll continue with the Salads for Lunch Fad for the rest of the month and begin my next Physical Activity Fad of the Month on the first. I’m still mulling over my choices but will make the decision prior to the first (obviously) and be sure to make the announcement so my legion of readers can follow along and see how I progress!

There are a number of potential fad diets to be examined in the coming months but I’ve decided that since it’s finally daylight savings time and spring perhaps the fad of April should be something more physical than nutritional.  I will still try to eat sensible meals but the focus will be on activity and not on food.

Folks, this is going to suck.  I’m not an active, physical person and I’m not an outdoorsy kinda guy.  I hate to sweat.  I don’t like dirt and bugs suck a lot.  On the other hand I live in a really beautiful area and I often think I don’t take full enough advantage of it.  I wonder if I could learn to like the outdoors more.  There are three potential options for April:

I own a bike that has been ridden exactly one time.  I like it.  It’s orange!  I nearly killed myself when I rode it and “haven’t gotten around” to trying it again.  I remember loving bike riding when I was young, and then I got my driver’s license and I seem to have forgotten the joys of bicycling, let alone how to ride one…  Well, OK.  I’ll be fair.  I had a BMX bike when I was young.  There was nothing to know.  Get on, peddle, don’t fall down.  That’s about it.  The orange bike that I like but has only been ridden one time is a 21 speed bike.  I do not know how to ride a 21 speed bike.  The one time I tried, the tires were under inflated, the seat was not high enough and I do not know what gear I was in but I was getting far too much speed per rotation.  First I nearly ran head-on into a curb and then I rounded a corner and out in front of an on-coming car because I couldn’t control the thing.  I imagine if I could figure out the gears and get the bike properly adjusted I could really enjoy riding it.  And besides, dedicated cyclists have sexy legs and look  good in the shorts.  I’d like to look good in the shorts.

I have feet and own a pair of running shoes.  I do not run.  I do not run unless I’m being chased by a very hungry and angry bear… and I’m running down hill… and I have a jet pack… and roller blades, which, you know, not really so much running then.  Every time I have run, I have gotten side stitches and shin splints.  I do not run.  My office building is directly across the street from Lake Merritt which has a 3.5 mile path around it.  I can’t help but see people out there everyday walking, running and bike riding and most of the time they seem to be having fun.  K took up running a couple years ago and when she started she felt about the same way I do.  Since then she’s run a number of races and has really grown to enjoy it.  Thanks to K, I know of a good training program for new runners.   Don’t tell her ‘cause I’ll never hear the end of it (the fact that she reads this blog is inconsequential) but I may have to give her program a shot myself.

The third option for April would actually last more than one month.  Thanks to K, I’m also aware of a program that promises to have you doing more than 100 Push-ups in 6 weeks ingeniously named “One Hundred Push-ups”.  In theory, I could do this one in my house.  I say in theory because I have a four-legged feline friend who seems to think that if I’m on the floor there can be only reason and it’s everything to do with giving him love and attention.  I have never done a proper push-up in my life and am fairly certain I would have to do some sort of modified push-up, as in the girls’ way.  I suppose it’s possible that I could do the program the girl’s way and get through it and then start over doing proper push-ups.  Surely by then I’d be able to do them the “right” way.

I’m also toying with the idea of taking up yoga but I’ve never done yoga a day in my life and I’m having a hard time discerning how to find an appropriate never-done-yoga-a-day-in-my-life beginning yoga class.  Something for consideration down the road but not likely to come together for April.

So there you have it.  April’s fad will be physical.  I’ll run, or bike or push up (hopefully not throw up).  Any suggestions about where to start?  Anything you want to know more about?

There is an epidemic that is sweeping the nation, possibly the world.  It’s an affliction that is spreading like wildfire throughout the populous affecting us at every age, from the very young to the moderately middle aged.

It came on quietly.  At first no one really knew about it, and then slowly but surely it became more and more prevalent.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your humble blogger has been affected by this affliction.  I thought I was safe.  I thought I’d be immune, but alas, it has proven not to be so.  Yes, there’s been a twinge in the back here, a stab in the knees there, while visiting with others who’ve been afflicted, but till now I have not fallen fully prey.  This is no longer the case.

Yes folks, it is true.  I am officially one of the masses who have become afflicted with the dreaded Wii Arm!  But it doesn’t stop there.  Oh no.  I am also suffering from Wii Shoulder and Wii Wrist.  And Wii neck.  And Wii back.  And Wii thighs.  In fact most of my Wii body has been affected by the Wii affliction.

But on a happier note, since setting up my new Wii this weekend, I beat those smug Mii sons-of-bitches Matt and Miyu a couple times at Wii Tennis, and my Wii Bowling game is getting pretty good, though I was pretty worn out at the end and my score began to trail off.  I’m a pretty terrible Wii Boxer and I hit mostly foul balls at Wii Baseball… When I hit the ball, at all… As for Wii Golf, well, I’d say, considering my only previous experience with Golf was at my local Putt Putt, I’m doing quite well.  I’m surprised and impressed by how much playing Wii Sports gets your system going and works up a sweat, so I’d say it was a good investment.  Now if I can just get the cat to recognize that if he doesn’t stay out of the way while I’m Wii Bowling, he just might be taking a Wii trip down the Wii lanes along with my virtual Wii Bowling Ball.