Ace

September 14, 2010 ~ riggledo ~ 2 Comments

It was another week of stress for me.

After a three-day week-end, I was actually ahead of my reading for about five minutes. I started reading the first of the three chapters for this week, last Tuesday, even though we hadn’t actually tested on, or had class about the last three chapters. I finished reading that first chapter on Wednesday at work and gave myself a break on Wednesday night after class. Thursday, I didn’t have any time to read at work which was fine because I had Thursday night and a good portion of Friday, Saturday and Sunday to finish.

Shortly before I was going to leave on Thursday evening my boss came into my office and in a hurried tone asked me if I had a radio. He had been on the phone with one of the other Facility Managers in town whose office faces west and she told him, “I think I just saw an explosion… Kinda looks like it might’ve been at the airport.” We went to the opposite side of the building, here on the 23rd floor and looked out and sure enough there was a very visible fire raging across the bay. I tried to find out what had happened by way of my usual sources (i.e. Twitter) but there was nothing to be found. The local TV stations websites didn’t have any news yet either. I had to go to the store before going home and by the time I got home (and sat down to eat the Popeye’s Chicken and Biscuits I did not need but didn’t resist) and turned on the television to find out what happened every station was teaming with coverage of this:

“The San Bruno Fire” raged for hours as a 30″ natural gas pipeline, fifteen feet underground ruptured and exploded, blowing an enormous hole in the ground and sending a massive fire-ball more than 100 feet into the air. The flames incinerated a few homes immediately around the rupture and the fire spread out over a ten-acre area burning 38 homes to the ground and damaging 120 more. The number of deaths varies depending on the source of information but I have heard at least 6 people dead either at the scene or in the hospital due to injuries.

I was glued to the television and even as I was telling myself,”They’re not giving out any new information. You’ve got reading to do. You need to turn this off and get busy.” I sat and stared at the television for four hours watching in morbid fascination and with rapt curiosity for any new information that might come. Finally a little after midnight, I gave up, turned off the TV and went to bed having made no additional progress on my reading.

The additional two chapters I needed to read were about Respiratory and Cardiac Emergencies. I did my usual routine of reading the chapters, working through the pages of the workbooks and listening to the Audiobook repeatedly, just hoping to some how osmosize the information contained within and I went into class last night, knowing we would take tests on all three chapters and feeling exceedingly uncertain about my level of knowledge and ability to pass the tests.

With his usual flair of disorganized inadequacy, the instructor arrived at class with not enough copies of the tests for each of us, so he split the room down the middle and told us “everyone on this side” his left “take the chapter 10 test. And everyone on this side” his right, where I was “take the chapter 11 test.” I took the test and pretty well whizzed through it. I left a couple of questions blank because I wasn’t sure of the answers, and wasn’t sure how much time I had to take the tests and didn’t want to spend too much time mulling those over thereby not allowing enough time to answer all the ones I knew for sure. Then I went back and completed the ones I left blank. I didn’t feel like I was absolutely certain of the rightness of my answers, but for the most part I didn’t have to sit and rack my brain for them either. When I finished, I turned in that test and picked up the Chapter 10 test. I went through that one just as quickly and with the same strategy. I finished that test, turned it in and sat down, marveling at the fact that despite my lack of certainty, I seemed to be one of the first people finished and now I could relax.

I pulled out my phone and started looking at Twitter, passing the time, waiting for everyone else to finish and the start of whatever came next. Then I heard the instructor asking one of the other students if she was done or just taking a little break. I realized from their conversation that we did have a test for Chapter 12. I had expected a test for Chapter 12. I thought it was odd that we weren’t taking a test for Chapter 12. I was even a little annoyed that I had bent over backwards to get Chapter 12 studying completed when we weren’t even taking the test this week. BUT no one had said anything about a test for Chapter 12.

I often wonder how these things happen. I am such an auditory person that I actually struggle with tests when people are in the room talking (as frequently happens in this class) so there is no chance that I just missed them talking about it. No one said anything about Chapter 12, yet many of the students had turned in their first two tests and picked up Chapter 12. How does that happen?

Anyway, I picked up Chapter 12 and realized there were 76 questions on this test. The other two had been 25 and 40 questions. So not only did I waste ten minutes of prime test taking time, but I wasted them for the longest test we were taking.

Eventually students began finishing with and turning in the last test and things were getting a little more disorganized. The instructor told us when we finished with all three tests to go take a break so he could tell who was still testing.

My strategy unchanged, I finished the test fairly quickly and with only a modicum of confidence; confident I had passed every test, less confident that I did “well” on them. After a time, all the students were in the hall and the instructor came out of the classroom. He called us all together and told us that for the tests that had already been graded by his TA’s (Chapters 10 and 11) our scores had pretty much sucked. That’s a quote. “You guys pretty much sucked. The scores sucked. They were bad.” He said he was forced to conclude that either the instruction was bad (Ya Think!?!) or the students were bad. But to his credit he claimed to assume that it was the instruction. He also said that it seemed clear that many students weren’t reading their books.

He said we were going to go back in the room and go through the Chapters 10 and 11 tests and we’d go over the chapter 12 test on Wednesday if there was time. I was glad for this because we haven’t gotten any feed-back or scores from him to date and I wanted to know how I did. Plus if I “sucked” I wanted to know how badly and on which questions or points.

So we sat down and he re-distributed chapter 10 so we could go through it in class. Because of his disorganized inadequacy we only got through one of the tests and it took more than an hour (making us 30 minutes late getting out of class, again!) I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote down “Chapter 10” so that I could make note of what I missed since I knew we weren’t going to get our answer sheets back. When we were finally finished going through the test I wadded that piece of paper up and threw it away. Why? Because the only thing I had written on it was “Chapter 10”.

I was so stressed all week studying for this class. I was anxious all day and during class about the tests and hoping that I could remember the right information when it mattered because I couldn’t think straight about any of it…

And I aced the test. 100%.

OK, that’s technically not true. There was one question in the “Critical Thinking” section that I officially got wrong. I got it wrong because answers B, C and D were all correct so I wrote all three down. I knew that he was probably looking for answer B, but in my “critical thinking” answers C and D came before answer B and I would have completed the steps in that order in the real world. I wanted to show that I understood the whole process and that I would have done them in that order. And, in my stressed state, I wasn’t 100% sure I wasn’t over-analyzing what he wanted and that in fact C or D were the correct answer. I fully expected to have that question marked wrong because I gave three answers. And I know it was marked wrong because the TA questioned me about it.

But! The instructor says he likes it when his students challenge him because “it means you’re trying to learn”. I told him, I was only challenging this because it’s the only one that was marked wrong, therefore if he gives me credit than I’ll get 100% (which will probably never happen again) and since it is the “Critical Thinking” section it’s somewhat subjective. He told me to come see him “during office hours” on Wednesday, the hour before class starts, and we can talk about it.

So, yes, officially I missed one question out of 76, so I got a –what?– 97%? 98%, but in my thinking that answer was correct and I aced the test.

Of course how did on the other two I have no idea, but if the first one is any indication, I did better than I thought.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get home, and get started on Chapter 13. I’ve only got six days to learn three new chapters of information and time’s awastin!

I’m Still Here

September 9, 2010October 26, 2010 ~ riggledo ~ 6 Comments

To borrow a rather brilliant title from what is sure to be a rather horrendous mocumentary, “I’m Still Here.” I know you’ve been missing me terribly!

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I have struggled with clinical depression in my lifetime and as many of you probably know, anxiety, in one form or another is often the evil handmaiden of depression (as if Depression on its own isn’t evil enough.) I have been no exception to that rule. Pretty early into my relationship with Deb, my therapist (like, probably 5 minutes in) she “diagnosed” me with Social Phobia.

For some reason this frequently comes as a surprise to people, but I’m actually quite shy. In person, anyway, I am very uncomfortable meeting new people, or putting myself in situations where I’m going to have to meet and interact with strangers, and even though intellectually, I know I shouldn’t worry about what people think of me there’s still that small, insecure, child-voice in the back of my head that remembers every tease and taunt and abuse I suffered at the hands of other, cruel, children as I was growing up and fears experiencing more of the same.

Deb also diagnosed me, to a much lesser degree, with generalized anxiety disorder. It’s nothing major. In fact, for the most part I think of it as buzzwords that loosely translate to “I don’t like the unknown!!!”

Who does?

Honestly, I am most aware of anxiety in the car, as I drive to my therapy appointments. I don’t know what I’m going to talk about (which is actually a better way to go in, even if it doesn’t feel like it) and therefore I don’t know what our 50 minutes holds and it makes me anxious. I feel a sense of needing to “do it right” even though there supposedly is no right or wrong way to do it and I worry that I’ll get it wrong and that it will be bad.

I occasionally realize, especially when I’m deep in thought, that I’ve not taken a breath in a while. Quite literally, I forget to breathe. My mind mulls over the situation, sometimes a very stressful thing, and I start to feel cramps in my stomach, both a feeling nausea and the potential on-set of diarrhea, and only as I feel a sense of panic start to come over me do I realize, “oh hey! I haven’t inhaled recently.” A couple of deliberate, deep breaths, and the cramping starts to subside, the nausea disappears and the need to rush to the toilet subsides. And then I continue to mull over whatever I’m mulling and I forget to breathe again and the whole cycle repeats itself.

Now, let’s be fair. I’ve learned a lot in my… five(?) years of therapy and the anxiety, both social and generalized, has lessened quite a bit (though, sadly, not been completely dispensed with.) I know what the physical symptoms mean, and I know that, usually, a few deep breaths will go a long way to remedy them. Sometimes that’s enough to do away with the anxiety and sometimes it’s just enough to make me aware that it’s happening and to try to manage it as best I can. (By the way, I’ve had to remind myself to breath, no fewer than 12 times just as I’ve written this much of this post. Almost a “chewing gum and walking” effect. I can’t seem to breath and type at the same time, right now. I realize I’m not breathing, I have to stop typing so I can focus my energy on taking a deep breath. There’s a reason for this.)

Up until recently, I’ve felt like I had a much better handle on these feelings.

~~~~~~~

When I decided to take this EMT class, I knew I was signing up for a lot of work. I knew it wouldn’t be a cake walk and that I’d have to put a lot of time and energy into it. I had no idea how much time and energy it would require. We have to cover three chapters of textbook a week and we have tests over each chapter each week. THREE TESTS!! These chapters are anywhere from 40 to 70 pages long and they’re filled with information that is important and needs to be retained and remembered.

My instructor goes out of his way to be an asshole and his general attitude and demeanor are very difficult for me to tolerate. He’s not friendly, or kind, or supportive. He’s determined to make the class as uncomfortable and unwelcoming as possible. He’s doing it on purpose because the job is a high stress job and he thinks he’s preparing us for it by doing things this way, he has said so, more than once. He might even be right and I understand that way of thinking. But on the other hand, wouldn’t it be better to make the class as conducive to learning as possible so that we can know our stuff and then when we get out in the field we can focus solely on dealing with the stress, because we’ll have the knowledge down?

The class is very disorganized. We have the tests first thing Monday night, usually and then if there’s time and he has his act together (which he frequently doesn’t) he’ll lecture, but there’s never time to do lecture on all three chapters that we’ll be testing over the following Monday night, so it really does depend on the reading. Wednesday nights are supposed to be about Skills. We break up into groups and he assigns each group to one of the volunteers from the last class who go over the skills with us, which is all well and good, except they’re not experts and as likely as not, they’re not getting it completely right anyway, and then when we demonstrate what we’ve learned for one of the two instructors we get called out for doing it wrong and made to feel stupid when in fact we demonstrated it exactly the way the volunteer had shown us, (for example, using a pediatric non-rebreathing mask on an adult sized mannequin – thanks for that, volunteer whose name I can’t remember!)

So every Monday we have three tests, one over each of three chapters that we’re supposed to read and learn and then we have not very good lecture over the materials in one (maybe two) of the next chapters. Wednesday we go over skills and are constantly reminded that there’s going to come a time – though I’m not at all clear about when that is – when we will have to actually test over these skills and if we don’t get them right on the first or second try (except for airway at which we only get one shot) then he will kick us out of the class.

The purpose of this class is not to qualify me to get a job as an EMT if that’s what I decide I want to do. The purpose of this class is to qualify me to take a National Registry exam to become licensed as an EMT. As if the stress of this class weren’t enough, there is then additional stress about when and whether I’ll take and pass the written and demonstrative portions of the National Registry exam.

I’ve heard conflicting reports about what the pay for an EMT is. Some reports have it as low as $16.00 an hour while others have it at $60K a year. If I decided to pursue a job as an EMT that means a cut in pay, but how much of one is still up in the air. And while I decided to take this class first and foremost because I wanted to know the information, the more time and energy I spend on it, the more I think it might be the direction I want to go and if I go through all this and then can’t make the career change, then what has been the point? (I do recognize that this is not entirely rational thinking, but it’s still among the thoughts that are going through my head.)

I spend hours and hours and hours reading my textbook and highlighting information (I’ve completely drained three highlighters, which either means I’m highlighting too much (likely) or there’s a lot of important information that needs to be marked.) I spend at least two hours a day at work, most days, reading or working in the work book. I have hardly watched any television at all in the last three weeks and once I finish preparing food for the next day (or on the nights before a class, the next two days), cooked and eaten dinner, I spend a couple of hours at night reading and have been staying up way too late.

I read and read and read, and then when I’m finished with a chapter, I go through the review materials in the back of the chapter, I go over the sample questions on the last page (to which I have found no answer key, so I have no idea if my answers are correct or not.)

Then I break out the work book which does not get turned in, but is purely for my own study purposes. I go through the materials in the work book, anywhere from three to twelve pages and then check my answers in the back. I usually do pretty well on the mix and match, multiple choice and true and false sections, though not as well as I feel like I should be doing. But the critical thinking sections are harder. And the written answer questions are — I don’t even know how to explain it. I read the answers they give in the back and I realize it made sense and I remember all the information from when I was reading… But I couldn’t formulate it into an answer on my own… I don’t know what that means for my ability to make use of the information in the real world.

And then as if that weren’t enough, I download the three chapters of the book I’m working with to iTunes and then into my iPhone and I listen to them. ALL. THE. TIME. I listen when I’m working. I listen while I’m driving. I listen while I’m grocery shopping. I listen while I’m preparing food. AND I LISTEN IN MY SLEEP. All in the hopes of retaining most of the pertinent information. I never feel like I am. I never feel like I know this stuff backwards and forwards and every Monday I walk into class worried that I am not going to pass the tests we have to take that day.

When I’m reading, I stress because I don’t feel like I’m getting it and I think about all the other things in my life that I’m not getting done and then I realize that my mind is wandering so I have to stop and go back to the last thing I remember reading and start over. (By the way, I read out loud to help focus my attention on the text. How can I read out loud, say the words, and not be thinking about them at all? Doesn’t seem like that should be possible. But apparently it is.)

When I’m not reading, like right now, I feel guilty, like I should be and that if I don’t get to it, I might not finish reading in time and it stresses me out.

I worry that I’m not reading enough.

I worry that I’m not learning what I’m reading.

I worry that I’m not going to pass the tests.

I worry that I’m not getting the practice I need to learn the skills.

I worry that I will learn the skills and still bomb the test, even if only out of stress and fear.

I worry that I’m not equipped to handle what’s coming when we get into the trauma portion of the materials (I don’t have a great track record with pictures of graphic things. I don’t get sick or throw up, though that might be better. But in my lifetime I have passed out as a result of looking at pictures or reenactments of serious injuries and I worry that this will be a problem now.)

I worry that I won’t make a good impression, or be able to handle myself, when I have to go on a ride-along later in the semester.

I worry that I won’t make it far enough in the class to have the opportunity to go on the ride-along.

I worry that I won’t be able to pass the National Registry Exam.

I worry that I won’t be able to make a good impression on a hiring manager when I start looking for a job.

I worry that I won’t be able to find something that I want to do with this new knowledge and skill.

I worry that I will get a job, only to find out that I can’t live on the salary, or that I can’t handle the working conditions or the hours or the stress.

I worry that I’ll get to the end of all this and realize that it’s not for me and feel like I’ve wasted my time and energy.

I worry about all of this, ALL of the time and I can’t shut my brain up and focus solely on what’s in front of me, the learning.

I’ve been crampy and nauseated and diarrhea-y for three weeks (you’re welcome.) And as I was driving over to my therapy appointment on Tuesday and feeling all those things, plus the not at all unusual anxiety of “what am I going to talk about today?”, I suddenly reached the very rational realization that, “Hello! I’ve been feeling so crappy and stressed out because I’ve been living at a heightened state of anxiety since the class began.”

So I asked Deb about Anti-Anxiety medication. Deb is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (what that means exactly I don’t know) so she is knowledgable, but not expert about medication. It also means she can not prescribe anything. She told me what she knows, and helped me to eliminate some specific possibilities (I can not go on a benzodiazepine – Valium, Xanex – because they’re too “stoney” and I wouldn’t be able to function, or retain information while taking them.) But there are some other possibilities and she suggested it might not be a bad idea to talk to my psychiatrist about it. Honestly, I’m a little reluctant because after five and half years on antidepressants and feeling dependant on them (I’ve now been off them for about 22 months) I don’t want to rely upon more pills to regulate my life. On the other hand, I’ve never been under this much pressure before and if it’s a temporary situation with a temporary solution, maybe I can work with that.

I contacted the Psychiatrist that I last saw at my healthcare provider and he informed me that because he hadn’t seen me in over 2 years, I had to start fresh with the intake process, which is funny because when it was all said and done, I still ended up with an appointment with him. BUT, the earliest appointment I could get is on Friday, September 17th. What’s wrong with this picture?

I was actually going to end this post right there, because, I at least, think that’s funny, and I like to end my posts with a humorous note. However it seems like a good idea to add a little bit of a reality check to this as well…

Up until now, we have taken our tests in groups. Each week, we split up into our little work groups and we get one copy of the test and put all our names on one answer sheet and submit the one answer sheet with our “collectively arrived upon answers”. Starting next week we will take our tests as individuals and it will be every man for himself. (Don’t think I haven’t worried about that too.) But here’s the reality:

1) I have not once, so far, been unable to finish the reading before Monday night’s class. (I was going to add some “but”s and some qualifiers, but let’s just leave it at that. Reading gets done in time.)

2) Somehow I became the default test-reader-out-louder-guy, possibly because I am able to speak clearly and rapidly and buzz through the test at a rapid pace, or possibly because I felt the need to take control and feel like we were doing everything we could to get through the test in the time allotted. I usually read the question out and then select the answer I think is right. I told my group-mates, “I’m going to just do this, if you think I’m answering wrong, speak up.” They were all OK with that, and hardly, if ever, disagreed with my selection. Either I actually do know the stuff when I need to, or they’re completely clueless and allowing me to lead them down the wrong path, except…

3) We finished our three tests last night (yes it was Wednesday but there was no class on Monday for the holiday) in record time. We were completely finished more than half an hour before the other five groups. I started to worry that maybe that meant something bad and just as I was verbalizing that to my group-mates the instructor asked, from across the room, “Are you guys done already?” We confirmed that we had and he made some sort of comment designed to shake our nerve. But then the Teaching Assistant spoke up and said, “No, they’re actually doing really well.” He had already graded our three tests and knew our results. I asked him, “We did well tonight, or we’re doing well over-all?” We haven’t gotten anything back, or any way of knowing our grades to date. The TA glanced back at the computer screen and said, “Well, everybody did badly on Chapter 5” (chapter 5 was vitals, so, you know, that’s bad) “but over-all you guys are doing well.”

As of last night, we have an 88% in the class. Naturally, an A would be preferable but I was a C average student in high school; I will not be complaining about an 88%!

I know all the real, rational facts about this situation. I have a job that I’m not in danger of losing and that pays a decent salary. If I fail (or get kicked out of) this class, I can take it again next semester (at a different school where this instructor isn’t teaching). I’m probably not going to fail or get kicked out and I’ll do OK on the materials and testing and the certification. I own the textbook so I can review whenever, however often and for however long I want and I can learn this stuff inside and out, at my own pace without all the pressure, once this class is over. Time and experience and exposure will over-power any anxiety about the job and the injuries I might witness and eventually, it’ll become second nature to me, just like my job today became second nature to me.

It would be nice to think that having this rational knowledge would help to alleviate the anxiety, but you know what? It doesn’t! Not one iota!

I sure do hope the psychiatrist can give me something to help!

See Ya Around

August 27, 2010 ~ riggledo ~ 5 Comments

Don’t worry, I’m not calling it quits on this blog by any means, but for the next few months, I wouldn’t suggest you expect to see much of me.

This class has turned out to be a significant amount of work. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by that, and I’m not, really. But it’s turned out to be even more work than I thought it would be. I’ll be honest with you; I’m worried. I don’t know if I’m going to make it to the end or not, but I’m sure as hell gonna do my best. There are going to be tests every week and there’s a lot of reading to be done. I made the mistake of not starting reading the book before the class started and even though the instructor didn’t have a syllabus for us until the second night of class, we were still responsible for the first three chapters of the book and had tests over them on Wednesday night. Thank God I was on vacation this week or I never would have been able to finish the reading in time.

Anyway, there’s a lot of reading to do and I’ve got to fit it in around the rest of my life, [Insert panic stricken look on my face here] work 40 hours a week, regular trips to the gym, cooking and cleaning and eating and laundry and ironing and sleeping and spending time with Lil’B. Oh and did I mention THE READING???

I’ll be around when I can. I’ll try to post little tid-bits here and there, but since we all know, “little tid-bits” aren’t my specialty…

I’ll still be reading your blog posts when I can, but I’m bound to fall behind on that too. And I won’t be commenting as much (’cause it’s harder to do from my iPhone, which is where I’ll most likely be reading your blogs… from “the throne”.)

One way or the other, Class ends on December 15th.

So… Yeah. I’ll see ya around.

Let The Nudity Begin

August 23, 2010August 24, 2010 ~ riggledo ~ 4 Comments

That’s about as far as the TMI will get. I promise. Today, that ever elusive summer heat I’ve been whining about finally arrived. It arrived at about 2:00 in the afternoon just as I was about to try to take a nap and everyone else in the neighborhood decided that outside was better than inside! And loudly!

In case it’s not clear, THIS? is the temperature INSIDE my house!

You can hardly see the cat because he’s hiding in some shade. I’m pretty sure he’s jealous of how relatively hairless his frequently naked daddy is during these times!

See, in the Bay area it hardly ever gets this warm and nobody ever thought central air conditioning was necessary. I have fans all over, but when it get this hot indoors I have little recourse but to be mostly naked most of the time.

Let the nudity begin…

Catching Up

August 18, 2010 ~ riggledo ~ 3 Comments

It has been much too long since I’ve written here. Part of the reason I haven’t written is because I’m not good at short and sweet, to-the-point posts and so what ought to be a quick few minutes to write, ends up being a couple of hours to write, edit, read, preview and re-read, and re-edit a crazy long-winded post, and I just keep putting it off which only serves to make them longer.

I’m going to try to be brief with this post, though I make no promises…

I’m not even sure if I had decided on this when I wrote my last post, but I am now on vacation not to return to work until Monday, August 30, 2010. I put in my request to my manager for my vacation and he approved it and then sent me an e-mail telling me that he wanted me to be very involved in this month-long event in September that would require me to do all my planning and purchasing and compiling in half the time that everyone else has to get ready, all the while dealing with the group who is actually hosting the event but didn’t want to share any of their information. It came down to the wire, but I believe I have everything ready now… I hope. If not, I’ll have two days when I get back to work to take care of it. No pressure there.

I decided to take this vacation, really a stay-cation, because I have been exhausted for weeks, staying up too late, having to get up early in the morning, and upon learning of this event, staying much too late at work. My life has gotten out of kilter and I desperately needed to right it again, and with my class start date looming, I really wanted to get a handle on things before hand.

I never made it to the gym all of last week, with the pressure I had to have my work in order before my vacation. I was surprised to see how much I missed that. I have to admit that while there was so much pressure and trepidation about the locker room when I first started going during the day, I now enjoy it and having a break from my work while I take care of myself. Except for last week, I have been more consistent with going to the gym since I started the mid-day routine than ever before. And I even enjoy taking a shower in the locker room there. It’s a refresher in the middle of the work-day and it’s liberating to have gotten over my fears. (Plus it saves on my water bill at home.)

On Friday, I did finally take a little break from the work craziness to have coffee with my friend John (John H). Saturday was laundry day and Sunday I hung out with Lil’B. It was still rather chilly and I had designs on going to the movies. We haven’t yet seen Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore. I’m a BIG kid and I love those kinds of movies so I’ve been looking forward to it since I saw the first previews. When I arrived at Lil’B’s house I asked him what he wanted to do that day and he said, “Miniature Golf.” Hmmm. OK.

So we went to play miniature golf while I was dressed/prepared for a chilly movie theater. Green “painters” pants (green pants with deliberately laid out paint spots on the front) and a black t-shirt. The jean jacket got left in the car. There was no sun screen. One of these days I’ll learn to bring along the sun screen just in case. The weather was actually quite nice where the mini-golf place was.

After I dropped Lil’B off, I went over to my friends John H and John M’s house. I think it’s cute that they both are named John, but John H says they always know who is being addressed. (I have to admit that I once had a passing crush on a guy named Kevin and thought it would’ve been funny if we’d ended up together. Then again, I was also engaged to a girl named Kerri and she thought it was “too sweet” that we would be Kevin and Kerri. She meant “too sweet” in a bad way.) The John’s and I had a wonderful dinner of Baked Ziti and Sourdough bread with an incredible blueberry and cherry tart that “John threw together while I was in the shower,” John H told me. I left at about 10:30 and called it a night.

One of my objectives for this time off work is to get my body clock back on a decent schedule. If I plan to continue to go to the gym during the work day and still work 8-ish hours, I’ve got to do better about getting to work “on time-ish”, especially on class days. So I wasn’t too dismayed by having scheduled DirecTV to come and install new service at my house “between 8 and noon” on Monday. Much to Mischa’s dismay, I pretty much went straight to bed when I got home and got up at 7:30 Monday morning. Not early enough, but it was a start. I won’t spend too much time harping on this, but DirecTV quite successfully managed to turn me from being a big fan/major proponent of their service to a stark hater who will tell everyone I ever meet (where the subject comes up) NEVER TO USE DIRECTV SERVICES, EVAR!!

Very quickly, I was a DirecTV customer for 5 years and canceled my service 6 months ago in favor of AT&T U-verse because of cost. I don’t really love the AT&T product and will still maintain that the actual product offered by DirecTV is better, but I will never use them again. Three years ago when I moved into my current home, the same day as my downstairs neighbors in this duplex moved in, I had the DirecTV service installed. My installer had been here and at work for about an hour before another installer showed up to do the installation for my downstairs neighbors. The two installers made the determination that they could provide both of us with service using only one satellite dish and splitting the signal between the two units. This made everyone (most of all, our landlady) happy. I explained this set-up to the operator when I placed the order to re-instate my service and he said it was great.

When the installer showed up here on Monday, at 11:55 he informed me that he could not do this but instead he had to install a second dish on the house. I told him that was not an option and he said he couldn’t do what I was asking. After speaking with the installer, and his supervisor, via telephone, and then a dispatcher in his office, I got conflicting answers about code regulations and DirecTV policy (the installation company is a third party) and various other, conflicting and contradictory reasons. Finally I called DirecTV directly and after explaining my situation six times and being told that they needed to transfer me to “The right department” I finally got one very pleasant young lady who took the time to investigate properly. After 52 minutes on the phone with DirecTV I was informed that they absolutely can do what I’m asking them to do, but that it’s at the discretion of the installation tech whether he will do it. The best advice she could give me was that I should call the installer back and tell them this. I was waiting for a call from a supervisor from that company anyway and when it hadn’t come in over 90 minutes (I told them I needed a call “right away” about what they planned to do because “my entire day is now on hold waiting for you”) I called them again.

I called the install company back and was disconnected right after they answered the phone. I called again and the phone rang twice and then there was nothing but static and crackling on the line. I called a third time and got an answer but the person sounded like he was across the room from the phone and the static and crackling were still there. I explained that I was expecting a call from the supervisor and he insisted on knowing what it was about before sending my information on. I explained the information I had gotten from DirecTV to him and then he seemed to disappear for a moment. When he came back I couldn’t understand what he was saying and the best I could come up with was that he was e-mailing the supervisor this information. After giving the operator an earful about how horrible their service is, how terrible their phone system is and how they’re making me question my decision to come back to DirecTV I told him that I expected the call from the supervisor within one hour. If I did not hear from him within one our I was going to cancel my order.

When one hour ended, I called DirecTV back for one sole purpose. I explained my entire situation, yet again, to “the right person” and I explained to her that I was just about finished. I told her that I was calling to cancel my order, but before I did, I wanted to give them one last-ditch opportunity to try to save my business, because based on my own experiences, I was of the opinion that DirecTV has the best product on the market and I had once been a satisfied DirecTV customer. She confirmed that everything I had been told was true but that it is up to the install company whether they would do it. She said that she could not order them to do the install the way I wanted. I made it very clear that if they didn’t I was going to cancel my order and she wasn’t going to budge. Finally, I said, “OK, well then let me give you my order number so you can cancel my order.” Without a flinch, or a hint of apology, she said, “Sure!” and put me on hold. A few minutes later she came back, told me the order was canceled and asked if there was anything else she could do for me. I said, “No! I’m just really disappointed to find that you don’t care any more than that to keep your customers.” Again, without an apology she said, “OK, have a nice day.”

I guess that wasn’t so brief, but you know me, once I get started…

The one bright point to that story is that while I was waiting for the installer and arguing with the people on the phone, I also made a huge dent in the mess that is my apartment. I went through a bunch of papers and disposed of what I could, separating the rest to be filed away (which I still need to do). I did a little bit of organizing and putting stuff away. I really made a good start. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to get started again since.

Tuesday, I got up with a plan. I was out of bed by 6:45. I spent the morning, taking care of some computer stuff I needed to do, while mentally planning my day. I was going to leave home by 10:30 to go to the gym, spend 45 minutes doing cardio, take a shower (I wanted to compare the locker room and showers to the gym by my office) and then head toward my therapists office in Berkeley for our 2:00 appointment, getting lunch along the way. I got a late start leaving for the gym. I was all ready to go when… My coffee kicked in. There are few things I hate more than pooping at the gym so I was late heading out. I got to the gym at about 12:20 and by the time I found a locker, and unpacked my gym bag, I really only had about 20 minutes for my cardio before I had to take my shower. I went back into the locker room at about 1:05 and was dressed and leaving the gym by 1:30.

When I got into the car, I noticed I had a voice mail on my cell phone. It was Deb, wondering where I was since I was 15 minutes late for our 1:00 appointment. I called her back, but of course there was no way I was going to arrive before our hour was up. I mentioned something to her about how I had it at 1:00 in my calendar, but in my mind it was “at our regular time of 2:00.” She pointed out that 1:00 is our regular time, which, of course, it is… Vacation brain fart! One hundred dollars down the drain.

I headed to Berkeley anyway, because I had other plans for after our appointment. After a quick stop off at Taco Bell, I went to the tattoo shop where I got my last piece done to look through their books for inspiration and to ask about piercing. They don’t do piercing and I didn’t find any inspiration in their books, but they did refer me to another tattoo shop a mile up the street that does piercing, and with only a minimal amount of trepidation, and after many months (years) of consideration, I had this done:

The upper one. Obviously my lobe has been done for a while. They said this will take 2-3 months to heal, but once it does, I’ll replace the stud with some sort of hoop. The piercing itself really didn’t hurt, despite what I’d been told by some. It was a little more tender after I left the shop, a kind of delayed reaction, but that didn’t really last all that long and then it was fine. It’s a little ouchy while doing the cleaning routine, but for the most part I can’t even feel it, unless I bump it accidentally (doesn’t even hurt to lie on it at night. Even the back of the post doesn’t poke into my head, which I thought it would.)

Today, I– Well, I ended up sort of wasting the day. I got up at 6:30 and putted around the house for a while, taking care of social networking stuff and doing my daily Fish Wrangler tournament. I watched an episode of Glee and then I headed out around 10:00 for a… personal grooming appointment… followed by a small amount of shopping and lunch. Even less shopping than I had planned since I had the good sense to check the status of my checking account before I spent too much money.

So that gets us all caught up. Sorry my vacation stories aren’t more exciting….

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and, somehow, soak my ear in salt water (part of the cleaning regimen.) This should be entertaining!