How anyone could want to hurt someone else. That’s what I can’t understand.
These people set out to harm other people, either physically or emotionally. Somehow they think it’s fun. Somehow they think what they’re doing is right. Of course it’s not. But they do not seem to understand that. Day to day, some people set out to deliberately hurt other people in the simplest, smallest of ways.
I’m not saying I’m perfect, either. I’m not saying I’ve never hurt anyone. I’ve hurt people. I certainly didn’t do it on purpose and I’ve felt terribly badly about it afterward, and I’ve done the best that I can do, while still being truthful, to make it up to the person. Unfortunately, sometimes there’s nothing you can do. Sometimes you can’t make things right with the person and still be honest. Sometimes the person is just determined to stay hurt. That’s a terrible situation to be in, but occasionally unavoidable.
But I cannot understand deliberately setting out to hurt someone else. Not that I haven’t wanted to do so. The truth is, on almost a daily basis, I want to hurt someone. Someone will irk me so much that I want to just punch them, or slap them, or stab them, or say just the right thing, in just the right way that it will get under their skin and make them feel small and worthless. This makes me less of a man and I’d really like to see it change, but it’s true, nonetheless. I’m grateful, however, that I am man enough to keep my mouth shut and keep my hands to myself. There’s no benefit to hurting someone else. It doesn’t make me a better person. It doesn’t elevate my worth in any way. And if I need to hurt someone else to make myself feel better, well then, I’m a really sad human being indeed.
I hate hurting others. It makes me feel horrible. And I hate seeing anyone or anything hurt. When I’m watching late night, or cable television and those awful animal rescue commercials with the Sarah McLachlan song come on, I have to fast forward over them so I don’t see those poor animals’ faces. Today I drove by a dead animal on the side of the road and I felt badly because it had been hurt. I hate seeing children cry. I hate when someone feels helpless and alone because someone has mistreated them.
I simply cannot understand how harassment and abuse is the solution to anything. I can not comprehend how treating someone this way can make the person doing the harassing feel good. How someone can wake up in the morning with the determination to harm someone else is beyond me.
When you consider the number of teen suicides and attempted suicides over the last year or so, all because those children have been bullied by people who made it their goal in life to belittle and humiliate the victim, it is simply incomprehensible that anyone, particularly adults, could behave this way, but it happens just as much among adults as it does children.
So, if you’ve been the victim of this kind of abuse or harassment, what have you done about it? What have you done to make it stop?
And if you are, or have been guilty of abusing or harassing someone else, please dig deep and really think about what is damaged within you, that you feel good about your behavior. I promise you, you are in the minority.
4 thoughts on “Know What I Can’t Understand?”
~~I agree. I cannot grasp why somebody would want to harm or be nasty to another human being.
I’ve observed this a A Lot lately & this must NOT be tolerated. EVER.
We need more men like you in the world!
I agree completely. The other day, while I was waiting for my car to be repaired I picked up a copy of Rolling Stone magazine with an article about a rash of teen suicides–most had been bullied for one reason or another (often because they were gay or were perceived as gay). The school administrations did NOTHING to stem the tide of hatred towards these kids.
I have 2 major fears as a parent 1.) that my kids might be bullied and 2.) that my kids might bully someone else. And I do everything in my power to prevent both.
Though I can’t understand why people think that way, I understand how they can think that way.
My ex husband was one of those that felt he needed to hurt people on a daily basis. His excuse was that it was for their own good. That he was in some way helping them out. Whether it was taunting me about my weight or “lack of talent” (bullshit) or berating his 9 year old child for not making the cut on the board as straight as he wanted or “explaining” to the checkout girl how poorly she bags groceries. His point of view was that if he didn’t tell everyone just how much better he would have done it and how mentally deficient they must be if they can’t do it his way, then no one would learn and the world would be thrown into major chaos. He was making them better by pointing out their flaws.
The problem being is he never did it in a loving way, at the appropriate time or (as in most cases) making sure he was actually right before he opened his mouth. He didn’t care. You have to hurt to improve.
In all reality he had a HUGE self esteem issue. I think it made him feel better. Like he somehow proved to himself and the world that he was the better person because he was able to break that person down into tears. What he didn’t see is what he was doing to his children, his then spouse and everyone around him. Because it wasn’t really about us, it was about him.
The kicker…..when I finally did get the chutspah to leave him, he didn’t understand why. I explained it over and over, but after every explanation he countered with “but I was making you BETTER.” Yeah. Who could leave that? 😛
In my opinion, abuse is abuse, whether it is a child on the playground bullying his classmates, a teacher who won’t listen to thier student, using cutting words when gentle ones will do, or physically beating on someone.
And it is NOT OK. It is heartwarming to know that there are people who understand that thought and actions are 2 different things, and that though abusive thoughts are normal (I call it getting stabby), following through with them is not.
I think Eleanor nailed it. It’s not about the one being abused. It’s about the abuser. Such a sad reality of life.