Trying Something New

It’s 4:30 and, at least in theory, it’s almost time to go home, but I’ve been itching to write.  I didn’t know what to write though and all the traditional advice keeps going through my head:

“Just start writing and the words will come”

“Write about what you know”

Something, something, something “…bits and pieces.”

OK so that last one wasn’t really so much traditional advice as it was me thinking about how some people just write little snippets, almost bullet points about their day, lives, experiences or whatever.  I’m not really good at snippets and to me bullet points are outlines just waiting to be expounded upon.  Brevity is not my friend.  But let’s see…

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I’m thinking Jafet and Hashima know something is up, maybe feel some of the same things I do.  When I got to school Monday night, they were both already there and parked in a different area than we all normally park.  They weren’t in the classroom when I got there though.  They didn’t really give me the cold shoulder when they came in, they just didn’t really talk to me much.  Then again, I didn’t really talk to them much either.  Wednesday night was more of the same.  We had our first skills test and while people were being tested the rest of us were out in the hall practicing other skills (or at least we were supposed to be.)  Jafet was “all business” talking only about the test we had that night.  Hashima was with another group all together.  At the end of the night when we were all parting ways in the parking lot, Angelina, another person from our study group was getting into her car and before she sat down she said, “By everybody.  See you this week-end.”

I don’t know if there is a gathering planned that I wasn’t invited to, or if she’s making an assumption that we’ll get together and study again.  Not a big loss, just feels weird, like things are unresolved…  I suppose things like this usually stay that way though don’t they.

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I took Monday off to rest and review for the test Monday night so coming back to work Tuesday was a bit of a shock, especially when I got here to find out that both of the Department Secretaries were out of the office and I had to cover for both of them and do my own job, including catching up from my absence on Monday.  So when Wednesday rolled around, it didn’t feel like a Wednesday and I actually forgot that I had to leave at 5:00 to get to class.  I left at 5:15 and got to school with about 10 minutes to spare.

Last night was our first practical assessment over maintaining the airway, again the details about this aren’t important, just know that it’s among the most important things for us to know how to do, ’cause if you can’t breathe, none of the other life-saving measures I might take will matter.  This is the skill that our teacher told us from the beginning we get one shot at and if we don’t get it right on the first try, we’re out of the class.  No pressure there!

I arrived to hear Jafet and some of the other students discussing some changes to the procedure as we’d been practicing it.  They were also discussing the results of the mid-term.  Angelina told me that I got the highest score in the class (a 91%).  Then she told me three other people were right there with me but she could only remember two names.  She said she got this information directly from Johaun the TA.  Later I mentioned to Johaun that I thought it was interesting that other people knew my grade but that I hadn’t heard it, nor had there been any indication that I was going to find out.  He told me he had not told Angelina any grades and that I had gotten 92%.  Whatever.  So I passed.  That’s all that matters.

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Angelina was the first person to do the Airway Practical and when she came back several minutes later she said it was easy; that it was nothing like we had practiced but that it was easier than that and we didn’t need to stress out about it.  I wasn’t really stressed about it, I just wanted to get it over with.  Our teacher had put so much pressure on us and on the outcome of this test, I just wanted it to be done.

After Angelina, the teacher decided to test two people at a time and he kept coming out into the hall.  He looked right at me, more than once and then selected other people.  I knew he was saving me for last because he loves to fuck with me.  I hate him.  Two people who I am friendly with failed the test.  Without getting into too much detail that doesn’t matter, Cole failed because he measured an oral airway as if it were a nasal airway, a stupid mistake that he realized right away was dumb.  Cole is the smartest guy in the class in my opinion and he knows how to do Airway, he should have been given more of a shot than that.  David let the teacher shake his confidence.  He was doing things right and the teacher asked him if he was sure about how he measured the nasal airway.  He changed his mind when he should have stuck to his guns and the teacher failed him.  At the end of the night the teacher called the two of them back in the room and said, “I don’t normally make exceptions, so what do you guys want me to do?”  He told them he’d let them know by Friday whether he’ll let them come back Monday for another shot.

At the end of the evening the teacher came out into the hall and asked us how many of us still hadn’t taken the assessment.  I and three other people raised our hands.  He said, “OK, you four will do your test on Monday.  Everybody go home.”  I was annoyed.  I thought, Shit!  What time is it? I looked at my watch but it was only 8:55.  I was (am) livid!  According to the catalog, my class is supposed to be over at 9:20 but he has kept us there till nearly 11:00 more than once because he can’t keep his act together long enough to conduct an effective, efficient class and get our weekly tests done and then he sends us home 25 minutes early with only 4 more people to test?!?  It wouldn’t have taken more than 10 minutes each if that and I would have gladly stayed 15 extra minutes to get all the tests done.  My hope is that he had every intention of giving Cole and David another shot and so he’s going to do the six airway practical exams on Monday night.  He just thinks he has to be a hard ass so he has to let them stew about it.  If he’s going to let them come back than I can understand, and don’t mind as much having to wait an extra five days.  If he doesn’t let them come back then I’ll be pissed.

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The longer the night went on, the more people started asking each other – and me, –  “Did you do yours?”, the more frustrated and annoyed I became.  I knew he was going to make me the last one.  About 8:30, when he pulled yet another duo of people in there after looking at me, Angelina said, “You’ll be fine.  Don’t worry.”  I said, “I honestly don’t care” and I realized, I meant it.  Of course I don’t want to fail, and I’m not going to drop the class but I honestly don’t care if I fail.  I do not like this teacher, I do not like the people he’s working with, I don’t really even like the people in my class very much and I’m tired of being in this situation.

If I fail the test and I’m expelled from the class, I won’t be devastated.  I won’t be angry (I might be a little angry).  I won’t cry about it.  I’d probably be relieved.  I’d be happy to be out of this situation, and then I’d go home and finish reading the text book and learning all the stuff, and then I’d take the class again next term with a different instructor (Maybe at a different school) and try again.

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Today we had fire drills at work.  We did half the building and we’ll finish tomorrow.  We had fire fighters with us but only two (usually four) and they weren’t cute.  My Fire fighter was not here today and if my stalker calculations are correct, he doesn’t work on Friday ever (must be nice) and so he won’t be here tomorrow.  Oh well.  Maybe the third shift will be better.

Well, there you go.  I guess my bits and pieces plan didn’t work out so well.  Maybe next time.  (But don’t count on it.)