I had a craving today. For the first time in quite a while I had a craving. What usually happens to me is it gets to be time to eat and I know I need to eat something but nothing sounds particularly good, but today I had a specific need. I am craving a cookie. But not just any cookie, a specific cookie. I need an M&M cookie. There are a number of places that sell cookies around here but I doubt that any of them sell M&M cookies.
So I asked my resident cookie expert about it. “Do you think Aroma’s sells M&M cookies?” I asked her. I’m sure that K, will be exceedingly grateful to be thought of as the resident cookie expert.
“I do not believe they do,” was her considered response, followed by, “I have a recipe for those at home.”
“Great!” I said with false exuberance. “I would like to you to run right home, whip up a batch for me and bring them right back!”
“No,” she said without hesitation. “If I go home, I’m not coming back.”
“Imagine that,” I replied. “Not to mention that whipping them up and bringing them right back isn’t really possible.”
“If I go home, I’m not coming back,” she said again. “Besides, I don’t think I have any M&M’s.”
“I’m sure there are stores between here and your house,” I encouraged.
“No. If I go home I’m not coming back,” she repeated. Just in case I hadn’t gotten it the first time.
Realizing I would get no satisfaction from K, I turned to my friends at Twitter, where my friend Stacey had just reported the following:
@ieatsnowmanpoop: im hungry
I told her:
@riggledo: I want M&M cookies but none seem to be in the offing. Dammit!
@ieatsnowmanpoop: i haven’t had those in forever
@riggledo: Me either and suddenly, I have a craving. I needs me some M&M Cookies, Pronto!
It became apparent that K, known on Twitter as @unsvelteangel was not going to accommodate my craving so I was going to have to fend for myself. Soon I announced for the whole of Twitter (or at least the 161 people that follow me) that:
And so off I went, in search of my M&M cookie. I was fairly certain I would not find one and fully expected to have to settle for something less but at least I could try. I marched up the street toward one of three possible locations in search of my prize and of course, there were no M&M cookies to be had. They did have three, large, old-looking chocolate chip cookies but I was hoping for something better. So I left.
I turned back toward my office building and toward the bakery that is right across the street from my office but that I was confident enough wouldn’t have M&M cookies that I didn’t go there first. I walked in the door of the bakery, looked in the case and froze in my tracks.
The proprietor, “Not Emil” looked at me. “Hi Kevin. What can we get for you?” “You don’t have any cookies?” I asked incredulously. “What the hell kinda bakery is this, doesn’t have any cookies!”
Not Emil told me that he had just sold his last one, but I could go up the street to their other shop and buy cookies from his brother, Emil. When I walked in the door to that location the case where the cookies generally are was also nearly empty and I was beginning to feel as if it were a conspiracy and then Emil said, “We’ve got a whole bunch, fresh in the back. What kind do you want.” Emil’s cookies are $1.00 a piece or three for $2.50 so naturally, I was required to purchase three cookies. He wasn’t kidding when he said they were fresh, I could feel the heat emanating from the bag as I walked the three blocks back to the office. Once in side the building, I passed through the lobby, entered the convenience store and picked up the final ingredient.
Returning to my office, I took the chocolate chip cookie out of the bag, placed it on a plate and dumped my final purchase out next to it and I posted this:
@riggledo: This is the best I could do. (sigh)
Since I had to buy three cookies anyway, I purchased one Chocolate Chip, one Sugar Cookie and one Snickerdoodle. I pulled the Snickerdoodle cookie out and ate it straight away. I then pulled out the sugar cookie and took a bite of it and popped an M&M in my mouth.
You see, I have had two kinds of M&M cookies in my life time. One kind is of the Chocolate Chip cookie variety where either the chocolate chips have been replaced with M&Ms or there have been chocolate chips & M&Ms. The other variety has been sugar cookies with M&Ms in them.
Furthermore, I don’t generally eat Plain M&Ms when I’m going to be eating M&Ms… plain. I prefer the Peanut variety.
Let it be known now and forever after, that peanut M&Ms and Sugar cookies do not go well together!
I finished off the sugar cookie and then I started in on the chocolate chip cookie with the M&Ms and finished off every morsel…
And then I posted this:
And a few minutes later:
@riggledo: oh and also… ooooooo, I don’t feel so good…..
I’m sure there’s a moral to this story… I’m too sick to figure out what it is, but there must be one… Perhaps you’d be so kind as to supply it in the comments field below…