Bwahahahaha! Yeah, right! If you’ve been reading this blog long, you know “short and sweet” isn’t really my thing. But I’ll try. I don’t have a whole lot of time for this. (You like how I waste precious moments of my time, explaining how I don’t have much time?) Anywhoo…
I’ve been so busy, and there are so many things to catch up on that I hardly knew/know where to begin, and with limited time for writing, I’ve been unsure of what to say to convey my current circumstances with brevity. Things are pretty stressful right now and I’ve needed to spend just about every available computer time minute looking for and applying to jobs. I’m still not working full-time, nine months since I was unceremoniously “released” from my previous full-time job. I can’t say that the nine months haven’t been nice, ’cause they have! I’ve loved having so much free time to do whatever I wanted. I’ve loved being able to go about my day free from pressure to keep a certain schedule, or satisfy someone else’s demands. I’m starting to see why self employment might be so attractive to so many people, though, in many ways self-employed people work a lot harder than the rest of the employed population. But the fact is, my money is running out and if something doesn’t come together pretty damn quickly, I’m going to be forced into some really difficult choices, none of which are pleasant. By the end of August, if I don’t have a new full-time job, I’m going to have no choice but to move out of my apartment. On September 1, I will have lived here for seven years. I’m ready for a change and I do actually want to move, but I want to move someplace of my own choosing, under my own steam and without pressure.
If I’m not gainfully employed by the end of August, I’ll have no choice but to either move in with a friend (my options are extremely limited) or move out-of-state and live with a family member. And again, my options are limited and very unattractive. Moving away from my current life is the worst thing that could possibly happen to me right now (or very nearly – God forbid I should be accused of exaggeration…). I have a lot to lose right now, if I have to move away.
Next month will mark the fifth anniversary of my match/friendship with L’il B. He is 12 years old now and things are getting really interesting. We had a conversation earlier this week in which he learned that Big Brothers and Big Sisters only serves kids from 6 to 16 years old. He asked me, “So when I’m 16 you won’t be my Big Brother any more?” I said, “I told you a long time ago, I will be your Big Brother for as long as you will let me. But no, we won’t be supported by the program any more. We’ll just be friends.” It was just a little “throwaway” question from him, but it was clear that our relationship means a lot to him and he was bothered by the thought of losing it. This is one of the reasons that I do not want to move away right now. I made a commitment to this kid and I want, no, I NEED to see it through. Yes, moving away because of financial ruin, is a far cry from just dropping him from my life, but it still matters to me.
I’ve met a really great guy. We’ve been dating for about seven weeks now, and while it’s still new and I don’t know what’s happening, or going to happen, we’ve been having a really nice time getting to know each other and spending time together. He seems to be really sweet and kind. He’s very intelligent and independent. He has strong morals and isn’t afraid to share and stand by them. Oh, and he’s really attractive. 🙂
Realistically speaking, it has only been seven weeks. If our relationship were to end now, it would not be devastating. I would survive and move on with my life. BUT, I really like him a lot. He seems to like me as well. I have no sense of dishonesty in him. Whether this relationship will turn to love remains to be seen, and it very well may not. I could write a whole separate, rambling post about what love is, what it means to be in love, and how one knows when they are experiencing love. I might sometime. But for now, it’s enough to acknowledge that we are not in love, we just like each other, and are attracted to each other, and we’re each interested enough to continue to see each other and find out where that takes us. The point, though, is that I’m interested enough, and like him enough, that I really do not want to have to move away and end this relationship right now.
I have been interacting with a representative from a local staffing agency which I have worked with before and I am hopeful that sometime next week I’ll hear from that representative to either send me on some interviews, or set me up with an assignment (preferably long-term, temp-to-hire, or even direct hire) to do some customer service work. It’s not exactly in my wheelhouse, and probably won’t pay as well as I’ve been hoping, but it is more than nothing, and more than unemployment which is pretty much all I have going on right now. Things will be tight, but at least it would keep me afloat, and at this moment, that’s what’s most important.
What else? What else?
Oh yeah! There’s also this guy!