Category: Humor

Musical Confusion

~ riggledo ~ 8 Comments

I’m standing at the Quizno’s waiting to place my order and the music playing overhead is an assault on my sensibilities as the music is crashing and the lyrics aren’t so much singing as some sort of screeching shout. I have to assume we’re listening to the likes of Korn, or maybe Ozzy and Black Sabbath. I don’t like it and the former retail manager in me thinks this is inappropriate music for public consumption.

As if reading my mind however, the song finishes, and the next one begins… Elton John, Benny and the Jets.

The thought that went through my mind when I walked in the door, resurfaces. “What the hell are we listening to?!?” Such a strange combination of songs!

K is Evil

~ riggledo ~ Leave a comment

A year or so ago, she decided that she wanted to become a coffee connoisseur and open her own coffee shop.  I suspect that desire has fallen a bit by the wayside, which I can not judge because I too have a tendency to latch onto an idea, only to burn myself out on it, or determine, sometimes prematurely, that I can’t make it work and give up before I ever even get started.

K became a coffee snob, determining that the free coffee we have hear at work, though available in more flavors and varieties than the average non-coffee nerd could think of, was no longer acceptable for her to drink.  We have a machine that makes one individual cup of coffee at a time so the coffee is always fresh brewed and she’s in control of the ordering so she could have any variety she wanted, but it simply was beneath her sensibilities… suddenly.  More power to her.  If she wants to go across the street and pay $4.00 for a latté a couple times a day, great!

At one point, she wanted to learn how to roast her own beans and learn the intricacies involved in bringing out various flavors depending on what kind of beans you’re using and how long they’re roasted and possibly a bunch of other criterion I couldn’t even begin to guess.  She started following coffee nerds on Twitter and found coffee Nazi forums on-line.  Along the way she managed to connect with coffee people and won a contest to get some free coffee of various types and flavors which leads us to her evilness.

See, some of the coffee that K won was flavored, odiferous coffee.  Things like Chocolate Fudge, Chocolate Mint and Caramel Apple.  She got her hands on a whole portable set up and brought her coffee and accoutrement to work and has stored it in the cupboard under the counter on which our unsuitable coffee maker sits.  So now, every time I go back to get a cup of coffee from our perfectly lovely, one cup at a time, always hot and fresh coffee maker, I get a whiff of her delicious smelling coffee beans in the cupboard.  My mouth starts to water and I lick my lips in anticipation of the wonderful flavors my mind tricks itself into believing I’ll enjoy.  I mean, I’m making a cup of coffee and I smell a delicious smelling kind of coffee, it only stands to reason that the coffee I’ll be drinking will taste like what I smell, right?  I bring my hot, fresh coffee back to my office and take the first sip and—Ho hum.  Booorrrriiiinnngggg.

K is evil!

Young Girl Don’t Stand So Close To Me

~ riggledo ~ 2 Comments

If you’re not a Glee Fan, this won’t mean much to you and you should go find something else to read.  I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a Glee fan, if you are too… Well, read on!

I’m sitting here, doing random non-blogging things and Don’t Stand So Close To Me by The Police comes on the trusty ole iPhone.  Good song.  I’ve liked it for years.

I’m splitting my attention about 70/30 between the task at hand and enjoying the music.  The 30% is tapping my booted toes and bopping my head along with the music.

Suddenly, the 70% is completely distracted from the task at hand with the realization that some portion of the brain (not sure if it’s the 70 or the 30) is looking for lyrics that aren’t there.  Something is wrong.  The lyrics are supposed to be different…

Young teacher, the subject of school girl fantacy
She wants him, so badly, knows what she wants to be
With all the charms of a woman
You kept the secret of your youth…

Clearly, I’ve listened to the Glee soundtrack a few too many times!

By the way, Glee comes back with new episodes on Tuesday!  Yay!

This Is Not The Post That You Are Looking For

~ riggledo ~ 4 Comments

From the age of 14 my mother has worn high heeled shoes.  She told me that it was a different time and that’s what women were expected to wear.  She went along with expectations and never wore flat shoes again.  (She also plucked her eyebrows to the point of extinction, but that has nothing to do with today’s story.)

By her fifties though, styles had changed and it was difficult for her to find casual high heeled shoes.  She bought her first pair of tennis shoes in forty years.  She only wore them a few times because they hurt her feet.  She couldn’t really understand why tennis shoes would hurt her feet, but they did and soon her feet hurt when she walked around the house barefoot too.

Finally she went to the doctor to have them check it out.  The doctor determined that with forty years of wearing high heeled shoes, my mother had developed bone spurs in her feet and that was what was causing the pain.  The only known solution was to continue to wear high heeled shoes.  One Saturday while she was out shopping with her friend Dorothy, they were a J.C. Penny and my mother saw some shoes by Arizona Jean Company.  They looked like Converse All-Stars, but they had thick soles and two and a half inch heals that were about two inches thick.  She bought a pair and they felt so good she bought three more in every color.

My mother has also had a long history of sprained ankles.  She has sprained both of her ankles more times than I can count.  When I was a baby she was carrying me the garage one morning to go somewhere and as she stepped down the one step into the garage her ankle twisted, she went down on one knee and literally threw me across the cement floor – on my head.  (That’s my dropped-on-my-head story.  Don’t we all have one?)

Six months before I moved to California, my mother came home from work one evening, went to the mail box and stepped off a two inch curb wrong.  She went down on both knees.  We thought she had sprained both ankles but after several hours in the emergency room (the pain was worse than she’d ever felt and she could barely walk) it turned out she’d torn ligaments in both ankles and she had air casts on both feet for weeks.

Today, on Twitter, I followed a link to a product that will solve all her problems.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Riggledo’s Mom’s Ankle & Foot Reinforcers! They’re ugly as sin, but they’ll get the job done!