A Resurgence

January 23, 2012 ~ riggledo ~ 4 Comments

A couple of weeks ago, I happened to arrive at Lil’B’s house around the same time that his younger sister’s Big Sister arrived. Neither of us had a hard and fast idea of what we wanted to do with our respective Little’s that day. It was unseasonably warm – I was actually wearing shorts – and so neither of us wanted to be cooped up inside if we didn’t have to be. We ended up taking Lil’B and his brother (10 months older) and sister (16 months younger) to play miniature golf as a group.

Months ago when I took Lil’B there alone, we encountered a small Mexican family that we spent some time talking to because the course was crowded. At one point one of the little boys comment that, “Your son is pretty good.” That was, by no means, the first time I had thought about people thinking Lil’B was my son when we are out together, but as I’ve mentioned before, it’s quite clear we do not share any genes.

The Big Sister is of Mexican decent and seven months pregnant. There we were three Mexican children under twelve years old, a very pregnant Mexican woman and a pasty white guy all playing miniature golf together. I couldn’t help thinking, “people think we’re a couple, I’m the step-dad, and these are her kids.” Obviously, if I were Lil’B’s “father” there would have to be a “step-” in front of it.

I had a first that day. After we completed the course we were on, we went to the “19th hole” to return our balls and clubs and I got a hole in one. Go figure. I received a coupon for one complimentary round of miniature golf, which expires one month from the day we were there. So when it was time to plan the next outing with Lil’B, I was inclined to go miniature golfing again. We both enjoy it and it would be silly to waste a free game.

It was raining like mad yesterday. Without a back up plan, I went out on a limb. I took Lil’B to see Beauty and the Beast, recently re-released in 3-D. I’ll be honest. I wanted to see it and I don’t have anyone else to go with. I wasn’t sure it would be up his alley, but the only other kid-friendly movie out there was The Adventures of Tintin and I really don’t want to see that if I can help it. I told him as we were driving there, that I wasn’t sure how he was going to feel about this movie, but that it was something I really wanted us to see. I told him it came out originally when I was young and that it might be a little dated, but I thought he would enjoy it anyway. He said he was fine with it. When it was over, I asked him what he thought. He nodded and said, “It was cool.” Normally, that question is met with “It was awesome!”, but I’m taking him at his word that “cool” is an honest reaction. I told him I knew it wasn’t really our usual style, but it was still fun.

Watching this movie with Lil’B, was a kind of surreal experience, though, when I realized how long before he was born this movie had come out.

I told him this movie came out “when I was young”, but I didn’t say how young. It was only as we were actually watching the movie, when memories of the first time I saw Beauty and the Beast in theaters came flooding back, that I realized just how young I had been. I saw the movie for the first time, as the beginning of what would turn out to be a tragic failure of a Valentine’s Day date – the only one I’ve ever had. I was sixteen years old. The girl I was dating, Cindy, had all sorts of romantic notions. During the opening number, “Belle”, when the “Gaston Groupies” sing:

“Look there he goes, isn’t he dreamy? Monsieur Gaston, oh he’s so cute!
Be still my heart, I’m hardly breathing. He’s such a tall, dark, strong and handsome brute”

she thought it was “adorably provincial.”

In 1991, Beauty and the Beast was on the cutting edge of animation technology. Everything looked so crisp and clean, the scene when Belle and The Beast dance in the ballroom already looked nearly 3-D and that was before 3-D movies made any sort of resurgence. The characters, at least the human ones, seamed pretty realistic with fairly natural movements. The wisp of hair that is forever falling down into Belle’s eye, struck Cindy as being the coolest thing ever. She saw so much meaning and subtext in this movie that went over my head; to tell the truth, it still goes over my head. But Cindy saw it, and I wanted to see Cindy so I saw it too. (Hey. I was sixteen. Give me a break.)

When the movie was over and Lil’B and I were heading back out into the rain, we had a little math lesson. I told him, “Remember I said I saw this movie when I was young?” he said he did. I told him, “I saw it when I was sixteen years old. How old does that make this movie?” Somehow I hadn’t put it all together before we were in the theater. I didn’t realize that this movie was 20 years old. In fact, strictly speaking, with an original release date of November 22, 1991, it’s older.

“I saw this movie when I was sixteen,” I told him. “In fact, I think I saw it on Valentine’s day.” That statement went right past him, but it stopped me short. It stopped me short because that’s all I said. I didn’t say, “I saw it on Valentine’s Day with my girlfriend”, I just said, “I saw it on Valentine’s Day.” I told myself that I didn’t elaborate because I didn’t want to confuse him, but it continues to nag at me.

Lil’B and I have never discussed my sexual orientation. If he’s even aware of what it means to be gay, he may already have figured it out or assumed it, but we’ve never discussed it and I’ve never confirmed or denied it. If he is aware of it and I told him I went with my girlfriend, maybe that would be confusing to him. Then again, if I said I went with my girlfriend and didn’t explain that I don’t date girls now, that seems dishonest. It continues to nag at me though, because by withholding additional information, I missed an opportunity to open dialogue between us.

When I signed up with Big Brothers and Big Sisters I told the Match Specialist, Jenny, that I’m gay. It was important to me to be honest and not keep a secret from the family I was trying to build trust with. Jenny asked me if I wanted to be open about that with the family and I said I did. In fact, me being gay prevented me from being matched with the first little boy they selected for me. In that instance, Jenny told me about the kid before telling the family I am gay and when it didn’t work out, she felt badly. When she called me about Lil’B, I asked if the mother knew I was gay. She said that she had told Lil’B’s mother right up front because she didn’t want to have another situation like with the previous family. But the mother and I have never talked about it either. I assume she remembers, but I don’t know and I don’t know if she told Lil’B.

When I was matched with Lil’B, he was only seven and I felt like he was too young to have that conversation. Now that it’s been nearly two and a half years, it’s difficult to bring up. Admittedly, I’m concerned how he’ll react. And strangely, I’m afraid of being rejected by a ten year-old.

And just when I thought I had put this fear behind me…

Now, I’m Not Saying I’m Not Wearing Underwear…

January 19, 2012January 20, 2012 ~ riggledo ~ 9 Comments

For about a week now, the hosts of my favorite morning radio show have been promoting National Commando Day today. Sometimes the tangents they go off on are not… the cleanest. They stated that when a woman goes commando it’s called climando. I think that’s disturbing. (Which begs the question, why did I include it here?) I know what that means and I’d prefer not to think about it.

Anyway, I wondered what this National Commando Day thing was all about. I mean, it seems like every day is some sort of national day of something (though I have no idea who decides.) Today the LOLCats seem to think it’s National Popcorn Day:

funny-pictures-happy-national-popcorn-day-cats — courtesy icanhazcheezburgers.com

But can we have competing national days? Am I supposed to kick back and watch a movie while eating disgustingly over-buttered popcorn while not wearing any underpants? I’m confused.

I did a search for “National Commando Day” on Google and the first item in the results says National Commando Day 2009. In 2009, there was a National Commando day, but it was July 31st. Later I found there was also a National Commando day on July 29th, 2010. Nothing on 2011 and certainly nothing about today. The link points to www.nationalcommandoday.org/ a website that focuses on bringing attention to Prostate Cancer and the need for early detection. OK, I can get… ahem… behind… that.

The next relevant result was for GameStop. September 20, 2011 was a GameStop-declared “National Commando Day”, but it clearly was not the same thing. Apparently, that was the day that Gears of War 3 came out. I’m not so sure I’m amused by their use of “commando” for their purposes, but that’s just me.

There’s a link to a Facebook group for National Commando Day, but it’s the same organization and it appears to refer back to the 2009 date. And there’s a link to a site called http://www.prostateconditions.org/ which then has a link back to National Commando Day.org. Nothing about a 2012 event. There is, of course, a link to “going commando” on Wikipedia and not entirely surprising, there’s a link to the Sarah & Vinnie podcast from just this morning discussing National Commando Day, where supposedly, all of the on-air personalities of the show were going commando (or climando – ew) today.

At one point Sarah & Vinnie mentioned something about Betabrand which I’ve never even heard of before this week. A quick search for Betabrand on Google reveals that the clothing manufacturer (who happens to be here in San Francisco) does make a product called Couch Commando Drawstring Pants.

Okay! Now I get it. I just click on the link to Betabrand’s website. Apparently, I’ve had it wrong all along. Today is actually Intergalactic Commando Day. Here’s the deal. According to Betabrand’s website, lots of authoritative, know-it-all types (like the Farmers Almanac, among others) agree that today, January 19th, is the coldest, most brutal day of the year, here in the northern hemisphere. A quick downward swipe on the face of my iPhone tells me it’s about 50 degrees outside, so… I guess I’ll take their word for it. The challenge is:

On this auspicious and frigid date, men around the world (and beyond) are encouraged to spend the day 100% underwear-free. Our modest goal is 100 million participants: a massive, free-balling force of spirited gentleman dedicated to showing Old Man Winter who’s really boss. (Tropical commandos are welcome to join this effort in spirit.) In addition, Betabrand is asking all available women to report for spot-check duty in order to enforce the (un)dress code.

It’s actually a joint effort with an organization called Veterans Expedition. I’m not really clear on what Veterans Expedition does, and I’m tired of reading other websites instead of writing on my own, so I’m just going to say that it’s an organization that does something that benefits Veterans, and that’s never gonna be a bad thing. Anyway, for every purchase of Betabrand pants that occurs(ed) on January 18 & 19, 2012, they will donate $10.00 to Veterans Expedition…

And now I have jokes about what the crossed purposes of prostate cancer screening and Veterans Expeditions might be and exactly what kind of expeditions we’re talking about, going through my head and begging to get out my fingers, which… no! Just no.

Anyway, as I said, I’m not saying I’m not wearing underwear, but… anyway you look at it, it seems like it would be for a good cause… 😉

Sopapillas and Pita Bread

January 18, 2012 ~ riggledo ~ 2 Comments

I was going to write a riveting, brilliant, startling revelation of a post, today, about my improved emotional well-being and something that I’ve been giving a lot of though to recently. It was going to be a amazing and you were going to love it.

But now I’m just pissed off and it’s all your fault. Yours and yours and… well, not yours. You didn’t do it.

It’s all this bullshit I’m seeing everywhere I turn about the bills before the house and congress about censorship of the internet. I’m just sick of it.

No! You know what I’m sick of? I’m sick of vigilante activism. That’s what I’m sick of. Occupy this. Black out that. Come on! You want to educate people, then educate people, but this is ridiculous.

Last night I watched a really weird LGBT movie called “The Lost Coast”. The movie was strange, but it had some really good moments in it. Early on one of the characters picks up a photograph in another characters apartment and says, “Is this the lost coast?” I didn’t even know the lost coast was a real place. (Turns out it’s somewhere north of where I live, here in California.) I did what I always do when I don’t know something. I Googled it. This was last night; about 9:00. The first result, as is so often the case, was Wikipedia. So I clicked on the link and the page loaded, and then just as I was starting to read about the lost coast, the screen went black and an annoying message popped up, whining at me about internet censorship and “Imagine a World
Without Free Knowledge”. There was no way to acknowledge the message and move on. Just, “nah-neh-nah-neh-nah-nah. You can’t read my pages.” Last night. It annoyed me, but I found what I wanted to know elsewhere.

Today, as I’m reading through the blogs in my reader, I find post after post about these bills and how wretched and horrible and awful the bills are. Now, I usually open the blogs and read them on people’s sites. I’m not at all sure that reading in Google Reader counts toward people’s page views on their blog stats and while we like to pretend we’re cool and don’t care about such things, we’re lying. We all care. So I like to make sure it counts. (This, by the way, is the reason you have to come to my blog to read the entire post… just in case you were wondering.) Anyway, half of these posts have come through just fine in my reader and I could read the entire thing if I wanted, but when I clicked on the blogs themselves the blogs are blacked out “in protest”. So, I can read teh whole damn post on Google Reader, but I can’t read it on your blogs and show you I’ve been there. Vigilante Activism Fail!!!

It’s not that you wrote blog posts about it. They’re your blogs. You can write what you want. Personally, I’m annoyed by the glut of posts on the subject, but at least by writing about the bills you’re making an effort to educate me. It’s the “blacking out” of the pages “in protest” that’s got me pissed. By the way, I haven’t read any of your anti-sopapilla bill blog posts. I’ve even dropped a couple anti-pita bread bloggers from my line up. Enough is enough!

I sent a link to a particularly funny lolcat to K this afternoon. The lolcats did it right. There’s a screen that pops up in front of the page and tells you to beware the bogey monster and then at the bottom it asks you if you’d like to learn more. You can click a “learn more” button and, imagine that, learn more. Or you can click on the “no thanks” button and get on with your life. K wouldn’t look at the lolcat because she wasn’t willing to click the “no thanks” button. Her loss.

Look. I get it. Censorship is bad. We don’t want these bills to pass and if someone presents me with an unoffensive petition to sign, I’ll sign it. I sent the e-mails to my representatives. I’ve done my part. And the truth is, I don’t really understand what these bills are about. What is internet piracy? How are these bills supposed to make things better? I. Don’t. Know. What I do know is, blacking out or otherwise inconveniencing half of the internet, isn’t serving any purpose. I guarantee you the talking heads in Washington, do not care that I couldn’t look up the lost coast last night. The vast majority of them have not looked for a single website that happened to be part of this ridiculous protest.

IT. DOES. NOT. WORK.

Dreaming

January 16, 2012 ~ riggledo ~ 2 Comments

I work for a company that purports itself to be big on diversity.

Actually, I guess I shouldn’t say it that way. We rank 90% on the Human Rights Campaign‘s 2012 Buying for Workplace Equality guide. The company provides Domestic Partner benefits, financial benefits for adoption services. We allowed same-sex couples to visit their spouses in the hospital before it was federally mandated. Our physicians are trained and encouraged to respect other cultures and their alternative belief systems in regard to medical care. Periodically, we are required to attend sensitivity and cultural diversity awareness training. So, I guess they are pretty big on diversity.

It is for this reason, that I find it fascinating that I AM NOT OFF WORK TODAY. What the hell, man!?!? I think if the mail doesn’t run and the bank is closed and kids are out of school, I should not have to work either. Whatever.

The truth is, I think the significance of this “holiday” is lost on a lot of people, these days anyway, and as the time goes on, it will be lost on more and more people. Not because Martin Luther King Jr. doesn’t matter. Not because what he did for this country isn’t invaluable, but because as time goes on and we age, it’ll be harder and harder for the surviving members of our population to imagine what this country was like before MLK did his thing.

I remember learning about Martin Luther King, Jr. in school. I remember the first time I heard the “I have a dream” speech:

I have a dream that one day…little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I looked around my classroom at the faces of the non-white boys and girls in my classroom and I thought, “how could it ever have been different.” Certainly I was naive, but I couldn’t imagine a world where people were mistreated for their differences. It’s funny how things change.

In my book, there’s a scene when Calvin (the lead character who is in no way based on my own existence and any similarities that may exist are entirely coincidental – *whistle, whistle, whistle*) has gone home to visit his family for Thanksgiving. His sister Haley picks him up from the airport and as they are chatting on the way to their mother’s house, she tells him she’s dating a black man and “mom doesn’t know.” It was something Calvin should not, and would not want to, tell their mother.

In reality, my sister did briefly date a black man in college and she never told my mother he was black, largely because of her reaction when our older brother dated a black woman when he was in college. Our mother insisted, and for the most part, I really do believe, that she is not prejudice, that she doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with interracial relationships, she would just rather her children not engage in them “because of the hardships you’ll endure because of them.” The fact that my brother’s girlfriend was also, “a witch” and that her brother turned out to be gay (while attending a Christian University), were certainly not points in her favor…

I can’t help but wonder what my mother’s reaction would be if I ended up married to a black man. Would that be two strikes against him, or has even she progressed enough not to care about race any longer. The fact that he would be male, would be problem enough for her.

Anyway, a world where black people were not treated as a welcome and equal member of society was just unimaginable to me in my naive, teen years. I didn’t think discrimination existed in this country any longer… And then I realized I was gay and it was a whole new ballgame. But that’s a different story.

I knew my commute would be light today and I was glad for that; I was running late yet again! As I rounded the corner to the parking garage entrance I thought how nice it will be for the garage not to be so full for once. Once again, naiveté rears its ugly head. Nobody parks in this garage but employees of the company for which I work. Today is not a holiday at the company for which I work. The garage was as full as ever.

At lunch, I had two errands to run; buy cat food and pick up a library book that’s on hold for me at the branch by my house, four miles away. I bought the cat food first, three miles in the opposite direction…

So like I was saying, if the mail doesn’t run and the bank is closed and kids are out of school and the library is closed, I should not have to work either.

Whatever.

The End

November 25, 2011 ~ riggledo ~ 8 Comments

Well, I have some bad news.

I’m not going to be a NaNoWriMo “winner” this year. You have to finish in order to win… and in order to finish you have to write 50,000 words in 30 days (this is probably old news to most of you.)

A few weeks ago, I said, that I was going to use NaNoWriMo to work on my book that I’ve been writing for the last three-ish years. It was kinda of rocky going for a while, with more days of no writing than there were writing. But this week while on my stay-cation, I hunkered down and worked diligently on the book and had three days were I wrote extremely large numbers of words. And still I’m not going to be able to finish NaNoWriMo…

Because I finished my book.

Turns out, there were only 34,366 words left to write.

This is, of course just the first draft and now I have to go through and edit, so this project is far from over… But…

I finished my book!